S6E2 Bill Gates, Skynet Farms, and the Black Market Ribeye

[00:00:00] Koji: It's June, the sun is out and the grills are heating up. But have you ever looked at your burger and thought, there's a billionaire trying to take this away from me? Cat, have you ever thought a billionaire is trying to take away your grill?

[00:00:12] Cat: My grill?

[00:00:12] Koji: You're grilling.

[00:00:13] Cat: My grilling like.

[00:00:15] Koji: Your barbecue.

[00:00:15] Cat: Reasons or the meat itself?

[00:00:17] Koji: I don't know. Whatever you want.

[00:00:18] Cat: Okay. I do think that they want to take away the meat. I think they want to replace it with lab grown meat. If I had a theory, that's it.

[00:00:24] Erik: Okay.

[00:00:25] Dwayne: Mhm. I haven't made the time yet, but I want to start growing my own food because I think that you.

[00:00:29] Koji: Can't grow your own meat though.

[00:00:30] Dwayne: I know, I know, but they want to take away. What you can. You just got to kill the animals. They're gonna take away our seeds. Seeds, and, you know, try to. 

[00:00:38] Koji: Like your sperm.

[00:00:39] Dwayne: No, no. Like food seeds and make everything sort of like like GMO patent.

[00:00:44] Cat: Like you are dependent.

[00:00:46] Dwayne: So that way you can't even grow food anymore because all the seeds won't be there. All the seeds will be there seeds that they've somehow put a paten on.

[00:00:55] Cat: I heard that that's why so many foods are seedless. Like they make it like, oh, for your convenience.

[00:01:01] Dwayne: But you can't take that seed and grow it.

[00:01:02] Cat: Yeah, exactly. So we should all be getting seeded foods. That way we can save the seeds.

[00:01:07] Dwayne: I mean. Well, I'll say it later what we're really saying, but no one wants to say what we're saying. That's the issue.

[00:01:13] Cat: I'm not even sure what we're saying.

[00:01:15] Dwayne: I'll say it later.

[00:01:18] Koji: What about you, Erik? Have you ever thought of Burr or a billionaire who's trying to take your grilling away from you?

[00:01:24] Erik: You know what? I've never looked at a burger and thought it. But I have looked at a taco and thought about it. You know what I mean? It's. 

[00:01:29] Dwayne: Interesting. Was it a carne asada? What kind of taco?

[00:01:32] Erik: Mostly it is maybe an Al Pastore.

[00:01:34] Dwayne: Right, right.

[00:01:35] Erik: Flavor. Um, I think billionaires are trying to take everything away from us. So you know what? Sure. Why not? Why not? My meats.

[00:01:43] Koji: We are.

[00:01:44] Dwayne: Well said, well said, well said.

[00:01:46] Koji: We are.

[00:01:47] Erik: We got beef billionaires. We got beef.

[00:02:02] Cat: Well, welcome to the unofficial Official Story podcast. This is season six, episode three. My name is Cat.

[00:02:09] Dwayne: And I'm Dwayne.

[00:02:10] Koji: And I'm Koji. And hey, before we get into the meat of the story, hahaha, I have to give a quick shout out to my other show un-history. If you like us tearing apart the official version of the things here, you're gonna love what I'm doing over there. It's a deep dive into historical receipts that they don't want you to see. So basically I'm interviewing, like I interviewed Thomas Jefferson for episode one, and then I use I interviewed Mother Teresa for episode two.

[00:02:35] Dwayne: Oh that's wild.

[00:02:36] Koji: And then I kind of like grilled them and I tell them, well, not grill like this episode, but.

[00:02:40] Erik: I want you to grill Mother Teresa.

[00:02:43] Koji: But I asked,

[00:02:43] Dwayne: Sounds tasty.

[00:02:44] Koji: I asked them questions about, you know, like some of the shady stuff.

[00:02:47] Dwayne: Oh, I gotta give that a listen. Koji's out here. Multitasking conspiracies, I love it.

[00:02:51] Koji: Yes, exactly. So do me a favor. Go find un history right now. Hit the listen button and download a few episodes. It really helps the show and I promise I'll change how you look at the past.

[00:03:00] Cat: All right, now that the shameless plug is out of the way, which you should definitely go do. Let's get back to the barbecue.

[00:03:06] Dwayne: We're right at the start of grilling season, but today's topic is a bit. Well done.

[00:03:12] Cat: Oh, God.

[00:03:14] Koji: Sorry, guys. We're asking, does Bill gates want to destroy the cattle industry?

[00:03:18] Cat: But first we have to introduce our guest comedian, who I hear prefers a veggie dog. Just kidding. Welcome, Erik Escobar. Erik. Hi. Erik is the Premier Mexicpino stand up comedian performing internationally at clubs, colleges, cruises and theaters in 2026. He can be seen on Hulu's comedy invasion.

[00:03:40] Koji: Woo hoo! That's my show!

[00:03:42] Cat: And CBS's Comics Unleashed.

[00:03:44] Erik: I'm Mother Teresa on comedy invasion. So I will be getting grilled.

[00:03:48] Cat: That's fun. Erik has also appeared on Beast Games, Last Comic Standing, Fresh Faces of Comedy, BuzzFeed. I Could See Your Voice, Idiot sandwich, his Ted talk BETS angel, and as the host of the big Deal on Latin nations.

[00:04:04] Erik: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Happy to be here. What an intro. Very excited.

[00:04:08] Dwayne: Is there still more?

[00:04:09] Koji: There's still more.

[00:04:10] Erik: Oh is there really I didn't look.

[00:04:11] Cat: Wait there is.

[00:04:12] Koji: Yeah.

[00:04:12] Erik: Oh my geez.

[00:04:13] Cat: Oh my goodness. Eric has collaborated with top digital creators including Kevin Lang, the Stokes Twins, the Botez Sisters, Aaron Branch, lot by Mike and Mr. Beast.

[00:04:25] Koji: Can I just say that the Stokes twins and the Botez sisters sound like a porn names?

[00:04:31] Cat: Really? I was thinking they sounded like crimes.

[00:04:33] Erik: Like they never said they weren't either.

[00:04:36] Dwayne: To me, they sound like, um, they like, uh, like musical groups, but they play like banjos. And what.

[00:04:42] Cat: Botez sisters sound like? Like they're a pair of twins who do psychic scams on people.

[00:04:47] Erik: You're not far off their chess ladies. Their whole thing is chess, which is kind of like a crime. No, like. Like playing chess.

[00:04:56] Koji: Oh chess?

[00:04:57] Erik: Yeah, we know where your mind is.

[00:04:58] Koji: My mind is.

[00:04:59] Erik: No. No apologies needed.

[00:05:00] Cat: This is Koji.

[00:05:02] Erik: I don't want to know what he thinks about the Stokes twins. You know what I mean?

[00:05:05] Dwayne: Yep. Mine is where it usually is, actually.

[00:05:08] Koji: Sorry. Go ahead.

[00:05:09] Cat: Eric holds an MFA in improvisation and comedy studies from Goddard College and resides in Anaheim. What? I didn't even know you could get an MFA in improvisation and comedy studies. Was that a like a was that an official major you could get or did.

[00:05:23] Erik: It was it was a self-designed major and a lot of money that I don't regret, but oh, a lot of money.

[00:05:29] Cat: Oh, I bet Erik loves theme parks, karaoke, professional wrestling and you. 

[00:05:36] Koji: And he actually. You're a professional wrestler too, right?

[00:05:38] Erik: I was I don't do it much anymore. It's hard to walk upstairs. Was that wrestling is like.

[00:05:43] Cat: Major in comedy studies. Minor and professional.

[00:05:45] Erik: Minor in professional wrestling. Actually, that was just an elective. All right. My minor was underwater basket weaving.

[00:05:50] Dwayne: So it's hard to walk upstairs after a match.

[00:05:53] Erik: Oh, just in general, I just don't like moving anymore. I'm sore all the time and really tired.

[00:05:58] Koji: So tell us a little bit about your wrestling career.

[00:06:00] Erik: It was great. I wrestled as the party boy Pinoy Mexicano Noir. I wore a wrestling mask and would drink Pinot Noir through it, but it never got through. So it was fun. My finishing move was an eye poke.

[00:06:12] Dwayne: Is that right? And what was in the Pinot Noir? What was was it really Pinot Noir or.

[00:06:17] Erik: You know what it was whatever two Buck Chuck had that day. All right. You got the Pinot noir. Pinot noir? Yeah. There you go. Next to Chardonnay. Didn't have the right ring to it. It really didn't.

[00:06:27] Koji: Oh my God.

[00:06:28] Dwayne: I just picture someone telling a story like, uh, like those film noir movies. He was a two bit hustler, and he didn't know what to do. You know, like those the noir films.

[00:06:38] Erik: Now, now do it in a Filipino accent. All right, now you gotta do it in Latino Filipino accent.

[00:06:42] Dwayne: I don't want to get canceled.

[00:06:44] Cat: I'm surprised there's no lumpia involved in this. Like, I feel like everything Filipino.

[00:06:49] Erik: There is with the Botez sisters and the Stokes twins. There's some lumpia. You know what I'm talking about, baby. Big lumpia. Um, no. It was really fun. I really liked wrestling, but I feel like it's kind of. I feel like a lot of comics enjoy wrestling because we look at what they do and it's like, oh, you get a similar high, but if you mess up, you die. You know what I mean? It's a very exciting, like if I have a bad set, I'm sad for a couple days. You have a bad set, you have like no more knee. Um, so higher stakes, higher stakes steaks. Oh my God, look what we're talking about.

[00:07:20] Koji: Where did you wrestle?

[00:07:21] Erik: All over. Um, I trained in Moorpark ish area. Then I went around to some other stuff. Went to San Diego for a little bit. I didn't do it like hard. Like some people go real hard with it. I had a couple matches and just use it as an excuse to drink Pinot Noir.

[00:07:34] Dwayne: You know, like, because you're also a stand up. Tell us about like the similarities, like coming up in that in the wrestling world, is there like, um, the guy who people are like, how did he get that match? How did he get that? Is it a guy who's undeniable, you just know is going to be a great wrestler? You know, like, what are the politics behind the wrestling as you see it?

[00:07:53] Erik: I like that question. I think a way that I think the parallels are really cool is when you go on stage, you have to be funny, and if you're not funny, you're sorry. You know what I mean? That's just what it is. I think for wrestling, it's the same thing because you're putting someone's life in your hands. So you can't have like nepotism or be like a big name and just come in and get a big match. Like you need to know at least the basics of what you're doing and keep everyone safe. Keep everyone having a good time. Um, like I said earlier, very similar. Hi. I think, uh, I'll go to a dive bar in front of seven people and have a great time. But if you're in the WWE and doing ten 000 seaters every night, oh, that must feel nice.

[00:08:26] Dwayne: Yeah, I bet.

[00:08:27] Erik: You're real nice.

[00:08:28] Dwayne: Right?

[00:08:28] Erik: I like that. Mhm.

[00:08:30] Koji: Did you at the wrestling you did. Was there like, uh, like the Hulkamania kind of stuff where you had to like, speak to the crowd or anything? Or is it just the wrestling part?

[00:08:38] Erik: Kind of. I was definitely more of a comedy wrestler, so my wrestling wasn't great, but I would cut a promo and at least get him a little bit into it. I feel like it's, it's wild because someone like the Rock, someone like Hulk Hogan, like their fame was so like, whoa, I couldn't imagine like, performing at that level. That seems like almost too stressful.

[00:08:57] Dwayne: Were you? Maybe you're. Because you were more of a comedy. Would you. Were you a good guy or a bad guy, or is it a third choice? And at that level of wrestling.

[00:09:06] Koji: Like an NPC or something?

[00:09:07] Erik: Yeah, I was an NPC, yes. I just stood there and oh, I can't do act outs on this podcast and people can't see it. Uh, so good guys are the babyfaces, bad guys are the heels. I was definitely leaning on that babyface side.

[00:09:20] Dwayne: I see, I see. Nice, nice.

[00:09:22] Cat: Mhm. Interesting, interesting.

[00:09:23] Koji: So how did you get into comedy?

[00:09:25] Erik: Um, I think I was 18. I started doing it, then I graduated college and I was like, I could get like an internship or a real job or try this. So I tried this and had a lot of weird jobs in between, did everything to make it work. But it was kind of like one of those things where it was like, let me see how long I can get away with this before I can get a 9 to 5. And it just kind of worked out a lot of hard work, a lot of luck, a lot of good timing, grateful for it. But, uh, but yeah, I just didn't want a real job.

[00:09:51] Koji: Interesting. Uh, so here I have a question for you guys. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen someone put on a grill?

[00:09:56] Cat: Any time someone puts fruit on a grill. I think that's weird.

[00:09:59] Dwayne: Yeah.

[00:10:00] Cat: Grilled pineapple, which sounds delicious. Or grilled peaches. Grilled watermelon. That was a weird one. I heard I like saw once. It is delicious, but I feel like some foods are meant to be cold.

[00:10:11] Dwayne: I can say that I went to a barbecue once and, uh, this girl, she was really cool, but, um, a bit of a nerd and her friends were nerds. And that's cool. I, I identify with, I'm a bit of a nerd myself, but I can dip in and out of that world. That's okay. I can dip in and out of that nerd world, the whole entire grill like everyone bought their George Foreman grill. So the whole, the whole thing was just George Foreman grills and it was really good. But I was like, who coordinated this? Like, this is crazy.

[00:10:40] Erik: George. George.

[00:10:41] Dwayne: Right, right.

[00:10:42] Erik: Yeah. He called everyone out.

[00:10:43] Dwayne: And I would guess not weird because people do this, but octopus, you know, on the grill. Because, uh.

[00:10:48] Koji: Why are you looking at me?

[00:10:50] Dwayne: No, no, I just I just know when I was in Taiwan, I had octopus like three days in a row, like some sort of squid or whatever. And then I had this dream where an octopus attacked me. And I just.

[00:11:01] Cat: I.

[00:11:01] Dwayne: Had to I just relax on the octopus. Yeah, yeah.

[00:11:04] Koji: What about you, Eric? What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen grilled?

[00:11:07] Erik: Um, it was seen via, uh, Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay. There was an episode. I don't know if you guys are big kitchen nightmares.

[00:11:15] Koji: I am. I'm a huge Kitchen Nightmares fan.

[00:11:16] Erik: Remember that guy who, uh, grilled the Caesar salad?

[00:11:19] Koji: I was gonna say lettuce. Yes, I remember that.

[00:11:21] Erik: Yeah. And he, like, was like, yeah, it's a thing. It's a grilled lettuce. And everyone was like, yeah, it's grilled lettuce. And Gordon was like, no.

[00:11:29] Koji: That's like the tile guy you remember?

[00:11:31] Erik: Yeah. With the, uh, the steak and like the tsunami.

[00:11:34] Koji: Yeah.

[00:11:35] Erik: Wow. We're the same person, I love it.

[00:11:37] Koji: Yeah, actually. So for me, um, I have two things I have, well, one's not grilling per se, but I just wanted to share the story. When I was in Australia, I saw I met this woman and her family. And when I went to the bathroom, there was a baby penguin in the bathtub. And I was like, what is happening with this baby? And they were like, it's gonna, they're gonna eat it later. And I was like, can I not eat the baby penguin, please? So that's weird. Asian people eat a lot of things. So there's that. But in terms of the weirdest thing I've ever seen, one of my friends was a reporter for which company? I forget what company it was, but he did a whole show where he went to a went to a restaurant in China that was all penis. They serve animal penises. Yeah. So sorry. Yeah, I should make the animal penis was like bull penis, cow penis, you know, like all the different things. So the funniest thing, his name is Adam Yamaguchi. Like, he didn't want to eat it, obviously, but it's for, you know, a thing he was doing. So then he started drinking more and he started eating it. So like, they were like, you know, they like grill it, they saute it. They did everything. So I remember thinking that like, that's pretty crazy to eat grilled penis or any kind of penis actually. But. 

[00:12:41] Erik: That is usually yeah, that big swallower. So spit it out, baby.

[00:12:46] Koji: All right, before we get into our main story. I need to mention the disclosure that just happened. The government finally opened the floodgates on May 8th, 2026 with the launch of pursue and the new public database at war.gov/ufo. We aren't just looking at grainy blue scratches anymore. The files include everything from football shaped UAPs near Japan to bizarre orbs that actually deflected a missile in mid-air, while NASA is playing it safe by calling these cases unresolved, the declassified footage and some wild Apollo 17 transcripts is clearly moving the needle, with 56% of the country now convinced that we aren't alone in the cosmos. What do you guys think? Do you guys.

[00:13:27] Cat: Think a lot of it's probably AI? I haven't watched them.

[00:13:30] Koji: Oh, no. No. But this is before, like. Like this stuff is all before AI. I don't think.

[00:13:34] Cat: How do we know?

[00:13:36] Koji: Oh no. Because a lot of these cases are the cases that they've been talking about forever. Because like last year, the, um, the general who was a whistleblower, he came out and said that there was a biologics that they found biologics. And it was crazy because I remember.

[00:13:49] Dwayne: What does that mean? Like a dead alien or.

[00:13:50] Koji: Yeah, he found non-human biological creatures and everyone was like non-earth and non-human biological. And it was crazy because he like testified in front of Congress and then nobody seemed to pay attention or care. And I was like, wait, we don't care that fucking aliens out there. It was crazy.

[00:14:05] Cat: Are we gonna do you know.

[00:14:07] Erik: Men in black? Men in black.

[00:14:10] Cat: A lot of things we don't do. There's. There's so much that the government could do and doesn't.

[00:14:14] Koji: Well, you guys also heard that they did with the pastors, right? They brought them they brought all the pastors together.

[00:14:19] Cat: Oh, was that like this last couple?

[00:14:21] Koji: Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. Because before the before the, all the disclosures, because they were worried that people were gonna leave Christianity because that, uh, that the aliens and then the rumor and this is just a rumor is that they're saying that they're gonna like, push it as like demons more than aliens or inner like some kind of demon like creature, but they're probably just aliens that maybe are not from outer space, but from like a different dimension, I think is probably what they're thinking. But anyway, I think this is wild, I don't know.

[00:14:45] Dwayne: Well, you know.

[00:14:46] Cat: That would make sense that they're going to use it for religious purposes just to scare people.

[00:14:50] Koji: Well, yeah, because they think that I mean, the so the pastors was that sorry, I didn't even complete my sentence. There was that they, they were worried that people were going to leave the faith that like, it's not in the Bible and that people are going to be like, well, like, you know, if, if Jesus knew everything or if the Bible knows why, why aren't they mentioning it in the Bible?

[00:15:05] Cat: Oh, well, if people were going to leave the faith because things didn't make sense, they would already left the faith. Electricity's not in the Bible. Computers are not in the Bible. The internet's not in the Bible.

[00:15:17] Koji: I believe Samsung's in the Bible.

[00:15:18] Cat: If you believe right now, you're gonna continue believing for always.

[00:15:23] Dwayne: That's a great point. And, you know, I just did a military base and I didn't realize there were there was another branch. You know, we know.

[00:15:29] Cat: Space force.

[00:15:30] Dwayne: Space force. Yeah.

[00:15:31] Erik: Well, okay.

[00:15:33] Dwayne: Making my way downtown.

[00:15:35] Erik: That was Vanessa Carlton. I'll take it.

[00:15:38] Dwayne: I always mix those two. 

[00:15:38] Erik: If you want to. I can save you.

[00:15:40] Cat: A thousand.

[00:15:41] Erik: Miles.

[00:15:43] Cat: So just.

[00:15:44] Dwayne: That's still Vanessa Carelton.

[00:15:45] Erik: Vanessa. I like it, but I like her version more than yours. I feel like.

[00:15:49] Dwayne: Michelle Branch is a little bit of this.

[00:15:52] Erik: A little bit of that. A shower with a kiss and then Santana.

[00:15:57] Dwayne: Santana. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we got that figured out.

[00:16:00] Cat: Is that the only song she had?

[00:16:01] Erik: She had all you wanted. And everywhere.

[00:16:04] Dwayne: Yeah.

[00:16:05] Erik: Everywhere too.

[00:16:07] Dwayne: Yeah. That was a.

[00:16:07] Koji: Wasn't Michelle Branch hapa?

[00:16:09] Erik: She was hapa. And she still is.

[00:16:13] Dwayne: Hapa means half Asian.

[00:16:14] Erik: Yeah. He used to be a derogatory.

[00:16:16] Dwayne: Yes, yes. Right, right right. Um.

[00:16:18] Erik: Space branch.

[00:16:19] Dwayne: Yeah. Space force and I had to look it up. I was they were talking about it. You know, I had like I was having lunch with the military guys and I'm like, what the hell is Space Force? And it's just straight up like, yeah, it's just sort of out of, out of space. Branch. Everyone makes fun of it. But why does it exist?

[00:16:36] Koji: Well, I can tell you why.

[00:16:37] Dwayne: Okay. Is it just for funding or.

[00:16:39] Koji: No, because, uh, so before there was a rule that you couldn't militarize space. Oh, we had a we had a treaty with the Soviets and the Russians.

[00:16:47] Erik: I thought you were going to say with space like broken.

[00:16:50] Koji: And then Trump threw that away. And then now we're militarizing space. That's why they're like the whole golden dome is space thing. So that like, they're gonna, they're trying to put nuclear weapons into space and stuff.

[00:16:58] Erik: They don't like any aliens whatsoever.

[00:17:01] Koji: And then also. I mean, the whole disclosure thing is ultimately, I think, a distraction, just trying to be a distraction from Epstein files. But he wants to like, right? Really?

[00:17:09] Erik: Right. What are those? Didn't you see it a couple weeks ago?

[00:17:11] Cat: He was posting videos or pictures of himself walking around with aliens. And it's those are those are AI. But he's like completely not ironically posting it.

[00:17:21] Dwayne: I just have a joke about, uh oh, basically Koji and I wrote a movie based on this joke. Um, love bait,

[00:17:29] Koji: Love bait. Okay.

[00:17:29] Dwayne: Yeah. And if you're like Japanese and you fall in love with a Korean guy and your parents don't like them, how do you get your parents to accept the Korean guy? Mhm. Bring home a black guy, and then two weeks later, bring the Korean guy back home and everyone would be. And then as the joke went on, I was like, well, what if you fall in love with a black guy, then bring home Flavor Flav, you know what I mean? Then what if you fall in love with Flavor Flav? Bring home an alien. So I say all of that to say, like, maybe once we contact the real aliens, what we call aliens are going to be off the hook. Now we're going to have bigger fish to fry, especially if they look like fish.

[00:18:06] Koji: Well, the whole the whole thing is that they've already been they've been here since like Roswell. Like that's the idea. But okay. Anyway, let's.

[00:18:13] Erik: Just flavor Flav. Flavor Flav is the alien.

[00:18:15] Cat: I really hope they're like the nice kind of aliens that we've talked about. Like, uh, valient thorr where they're like, peace and love.

[00:18:21] Koji: Well, actually, so they've said, I mean, according to like some of these whistleblowers, they're saying that there's like four races that they've like known about. There's four different kinds of aliens. So I'm hoping one of them's Asian. Let's go.

[00:18:32] Erik: Mhm.

[00:18:33] Koji: That's the one that I'm gonna pray to. But I mean, the biggest so the biggest issue obviously with with having UFOs and the biggest conspiracy around why it's why it's an issue is that for a government especially is like, hey, they're basically they could take anybody. They could go through our airspace, they could do anything they want, and they can't do a thing about it. So like, I mean, what's the number one job of the government.

[00:18:55] Erik: Tariff everyone.

[00:18:57] Cat: It's nothing. I mean, we have terrible weather. We have hurricane mega hurricanes that come through, tornadoes that come through and we can't do shit about it.

[00:19:04] Koji: Yeah. But having like something that has like a brain that's trying to like, do something like you can't do anything. I mean, that's, that's the rationale. But also like, so like, like, one of the interesting things that I found and through like reading all this stuff is that there's a theory that like in the, in the files, they talk about how they actually wanted to make people look crazy and they actually made, they actually funded movies in Hollywood. I never got the funding to make it like make the people who thought aliens were real were fucking insane. And then like, it turns out like, and then then people just went wild with that over the course of like the next like 60 years. But it's just interesting that like a lot of the things that people have been saying this whole time.

[00:19:39] Dwayne: So you think they added the whole anal probe thing to discredit them even more.

[00:19:43] Koji: Probably. 

[00:19:43] Dwayne: Just be like, oh, you just wanted to get annually probed that.

[00:19:47] Erik: They didn't add. Actually, that was not added. They were gaslighting everyone for everything except for. 

[00:19:52] Koji: That's Eric's favorite part. That's his. 

[00:19:54] Erik: Second favorite. Legally not allowed to say the first. It was with the Asian alien, though. It was the Asian alien.

[00:20:02] Cat: Okay, now here's the official story. Bill gates has quietly become the largest private owner of farmland in the United States, reportedly owning over 270,000 acres across 19 states.

[00:20:16] Dwayne: The official reason from gates and his team is that it's about investment and sustainable agriculture. He claims he's looking for ways to make farming more productive and carbon neutral.

[00:20:26] Koji: But in his book How to Avoid a Climate Disaster, he explicitly states that wealthy nations should move toward 100% synthetic beef to combat methane emissions from livestock.

[00:20:36] Cat: What I say.

[00:20:36] Koji: What exactly what you said cat.

[00:20:38] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah, he's not just talking about it either. Gates was an early investor in Impossible Foods and Beyond Meat. He's literally putting his money where your mouth is.

[00:20:48] Cat: I love Beyond Meat. I thought it was delicious.

[00:20:51] Koji: I was gonna ask you about that. I don't like I don't I don't like the red part of it though. Like how it's like it's still kind of like red.

[00:20:57] Cat: I don't really pay attention to that. I just think it's delicious. But it's because it's salty.

[00:21:00] Koji: It makes me it makes me feel like I'm like, it grosses me out because I think it's like meat.

[00:21:04] Dwayne: right? And it's like blood or something.

[00:21:05] Koji: Yeah. And I'm like, why am I like, I don't want it to look anything like meat. Dude. 

[00:21:08] Dwayne: Isn't a there are different products, right? Impossible meat and Beyond meat.

[00:21:12] Erik: Two different things. Yeah, I think impossible had a little hot water. Um, but beyond was still good. Like it's still okay to have beyond but impossible. It's like, oh, they had something going on.

[00:21:21] Koji: Yeah, I remember I bought it once and I like cooked it and I was like, it's still red. I was like, I'm gonna cook this shit until it's not red anymore.

[00:21:26] Dwayne: Right, right, right.

[00:21:26] Koji: I don't know, maybe it's just me.

[00:21:28] Dwayne: What's crazy about that is that if you really don't want to eat meat, just don't eat meat.

[00:21:31] Koji: Yeah, yeah. Oh, have you guys ever been to China? There's Chinese restaurants that are like, vegan, so they have like, um, they're amazing.

[00:21:38] Dwayne: One in Boston was really good.

[00:21:39] Koji: Yeah, there's one, there's one a bunch here we could go, but there's like, uh, like, there's like things like they have the mushroom fried mushrooms that are chicken. That fish that like, like tofu. Really. It's just soy. It's really good, but it looks like the, the, the, um, the meats, but it's actually just vegetables.

[00:21:54] Cat: Oh, okay. I do like the beyond meat and impossible beef, but anytime I go to veggie grill, which is this vegan, uh, chain of restaurants, I am always disappointed. I've never come away from veggie grill like, wow, that was delicious. It's always like, wow, I need to eat something else.

[00:22:10] Koji: Do you think if a vegan has their sperm just taste different? I mean, I wouldn't know it. Tell me, does it taste different?

[00:22:16] Erik: I assume so. Well, I've only had alien sperm. I haven't had, uh, human sperm.

[00:22:20] Cat: Look, I wouldn't know for sure, but I heard that pineapples and fruit are good for it. And I heard that meat eating too much meat is bad, so I bet.

[00:22:29] Erik: That makes sense.

[00:22:30] Koji: Okay, I heard strawberries is good too.

[00:22:32] Cat: Probably. 

[00:22:33] Erik: Heard pumpkin is too. You want some buckets of pumpkin? Good for your sperm.

[00:22:38] Cat: In the fall pumpkin.

[00:22:39] Erik: Pumpkin. October. Oh, my wife is so happy.

[00:22:42] Koji: Jesus Christ. That's too far.

[00:22:46] Dwayne: But but then what happens if, like, it's pumpkin latte season and the McRib comes back? Now you're in a bit of a quandary. You know what I mean?

[00:22:55] Erik: Well, I put the McRib in my pumpkin spice latte, so evens out. You got the bad meat. You got the good pumpkin. Oh, geez. Louise, throwing some oysters in there. Delicious.

[00:23:04] Cat: Oh my goodness. The unofficial crowd is asking, why buy the land if you want to get rid of the cows? Some theorists suggest he isn't buying land to grow corn. He's buying it to fallow it, basically taking it out of production to drive cattle ranchers out of business.

[00:23:22] Dwayne: Right. Or to make it all grass fed.

[00:23:26] Cat: So if he takes the land out and. Okay, okay, okay. So if he's buying the land and doesn't grow corn on it, then there isn't enough feed for the cows. Then feed becomes more expensive, and.

[00:23:38] Dwayne: Then meat becomes expensive.

[00:23:39] Cat: And then ranchers go out of business.

[00:23:41] Dwayne: Unless unless they're grass fed. But you know, you think of grass fed and you think it's like cows chilling in like in their natural habitat. But sometimes grass fed means they're still locked into a small little thing with their in their head, you know, heads can't move and then they just dump grass in front of them. So it's not, it's not. I've seen videos. It's not like they're chilling. Even like they're in a cage in a prison and then they just throw grass at them. But it's technically grass fed, you know.

[00:24:08] Erik: Even with eggs, there's like so many tiers of wording, like free range means they have like two by two feet or you know what I mean? Like they have, they have little free range where it's like, they can be like caged versus uncaged. Like what's the difference? Because you can be uncaged, but still in like a box, you know what I mean?

[00:24:24] Cat: Like cage free, but then like cage free just means it's like a slightly bigger cage.

[00:24:28] Erik: Yeah. It's like a different cage. It's like small cage free.

[00:24:31] Cat: Mhm.

[00:24:32] Erik: I know, I know, I also heard they were feeding chickens like red paprika to make their eggs more like orange. So sometimes even now you'll see like a bright orange yolk. And it's like not even like a healthy egg. It's like a bad egg. It's like a soy fed egg. But that just they just gave it a ton of paprika.

[00:24:50] Cat: I mean, at least the, the chickens are enjoying their food now. It's seasoned.

[00:24:54] Erik: It's seasoned. Yeah. It's only seasoned with paprika and hot red pepper. But other than that.

[00:24:58] Cat: Oh,  

[00:24:58] Erik: Delicious. Delicious.

[00:25:00] Dwayne: That's wild. Uh, well, if you control the land, you control the feed. If you control the feed, you control the price of a steak. It's a vertical monopoly that makes standard oil looks like a lemonade stand.

[00:25:11] Koji: And then there's the net zero agriculture push. Critics say the plan is to replace traditional independent family farms with high tech smart farms, and use AI and surveillance to monitor every seed. It's basically the Windows Update version of farming. I feel like I was being disrespectful a little bit to windows there, but that's okay.

[00:25:30] Cat: Oh my God, an AI smart farm would be like, I'm sorry I accidentally burnt down all your crops. My bad.

[00:25:37] Dwayne: Right, right.

[00:25:37] Koji: No. They're gonna put data centers. Wouldn't it be awesome to have a data center here?

[00:25:42] Erik: This meat is so tender. I would call it Microsoft soft.

[00:25:48] Dwayne: Nice. Nice.

[00:25:49] Erik: Delish.

[00:25:50] Dwayne: That just happened.

[00:25:53] Cat: There's also the green premium. Gates argues that synthetic meat will eventually be cheaper than real beef, but theorists worry that this cheap meat will be the only thing the working class can afford. While real beef becomes a black market luxury item for the 1%.

[00:26:08] Dwayne: Well, you know what's crazy? Uh, 50 cent had a thing with TI. I don't know if you paid attention to that. They were going back and forth at each other. And then, uh, this goes on for like two months, and then they pop up on stage together and TI, you know, had an album drop and 50 was doing something. So it was like, not even so even rappers don't have real beef anymore. What I'm trying to say.

[00:26:32] Koji: I was trying to figure out where that was. I was waiting for the beef. That was good, though.

[00:26:38] Dwayne: Right, right, right.

[00:26:38] Erik: A joke like that is rare, you know.

[00:26:40] Dwayne: There you go. Oh, nice.

[00:26:42] Cat: Well done.

[00:26:43] Dwayne: I'm loving this.

[00:26:44] Erik: Oh. See you guys later. I'm good. Pete.

[00:26:49] Dwayne: Um, some even point to the World Economic Forum's great reset. And the slogan, you will own nothing and be happy. Does that include owning your own dinner, or are we all moving toward a subscription based protein model? Bill gates owns 270,000, you said. It's only 0.03% of the farmland. He's still the biggest single private farmland owner, but it's 0.03%. You know what I mean?

[00:27:15] Cat: That's like there's there's so much farmland and there's many, many, many, many, many owners.

[00:27:21] Dwayne: But a lot of companies and billionaires, like a lot of non-farmers do own it and they're renting it to, to farmers. And apparently I saw somewhere in the comment section, who knows if it's true, but they said in Lithuania, you can't own a farm if you're not a farmer.

[00:27:36] Koji: Oh, interesting.

[00:27:37] Dwayne: Makes sense.

[00:27:38] Koji: Yeah. You should. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah.

[00:27:40] Cat: Yeah. Unfortunately, our government doesn't do anything, um about anything.

[00:27:45] Cat: They're like, oh my God, is there a if Godzilla came to America and was eating children, the US government would be like, I don't know. That's capitalism for you.

[00:27:55] Erik: It's not guns, guys. It's not guns.

[00:27:57] Cat: Like, no, no, no. The people who want to kill Godzilla also want to murder babies. So we're gonna go ahead and let it live.

[00:28:03] Erik: Why do babies?

[00:28:04] Dwayne: Why does you own nothing and be happy? Only, you know, only apply to like, people who are not billionaires, like. And that's the problem. Like if you got a point where a few people own it, then it's, it's, it's some sort of corporate socialism. So the government should own it. Like Bill gates shouldn't control. He has to answer to someone. I know there's rules, but it's like at that point, okay, you had a nice run. You get to keep this much, this much and we're taking it otherwise four people own everything. And then, you know, it slips into a dystopian kind of thing.

[00:28:36] Erik: I feel like it turns into kind of like a public school, private school situation where like, everyone can go to public school, everyone can have government meat, but then all these rich people are gonna be like, ah, we got a tri tip in the back seat. You know what I mean? Like, if you can afford it, you're gonna need it.

[00:28:49] Dwayne: And the thing is, this comic, I don't know her name, I wish I did. I could look it up. She has this great sketch, and she talks about, like, rich people. What ultimately, you know, they, you know, they can't say it out loud, but they just want slavery back, you know? Yeah, I'm not saying I'm not saying black people, but they just they just want to own people, you know?

[00:29:08] Koji: I mean, the place they went wrong is slavery. That sounds funny.

[00:29:13] Cat: I mean, a whole book called Democracy in Chains. And it's about specifically that, that they really do want to go all the way back to slavery times.

[00:29:19] Koji: I mean, the problem with American slavery was that it was race based. Nobody's against slavery when it's like class based, right? Like they've always been because I mean, that's like, I mean, like, there's still slavery going on now. Right. But it's like, it's not just black people or it's not just white people or something. It's like that's like where people took offense. I'm like, why can't we just be offended with slavery in general and not like based? Like obviously slavery for African Americans was terrible, but it doesn't mean that it's like every, every slave was terrible.

[00:29:48] Dwayne: Absolutely. Yeah. Because the word slave, it means Slavic comes from. Yeah. It comes from, uh, Eastern Europeans being slaves. I believe the word robot.

[00:29:58] Koji: Did you just make that up right now?

[00:29:59] Dwayne: No, no, I didn't, I didn't I can look it up. The word the word robot also meant slave in some kind of language. I wrote a question about it. 

[00:30:08] Erik: Like, you're an automaton thing that serves.

[00:30:11] Koji: I mean, up has U and P in it. So it's comes from urination. You pee.

[00:30:15] Cat: I don't know if you knew this, but I see pee.

[00:30:18] Dwayne: I can't.

[00:30:22] Cat: Oh my god.

[00:30:22] Dwayne: Once it gets going it feels good though, right?

[00:30:24] Cat: What's happening?

[00:30:25] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah.

[00:30:26] Erik: It's the number one feeling. The number one feeling.

[00:30:30] Dwayne: See, the word slave traces its origins back to the anthem. I don't even know that word for Slavic peoples of Eastern and Central Europe.

[00:30:37] Koji: Wow. So you're right,

[00:30:38] Dwayne: Because they were like.

[00:30:39] Koji: You didn't just make it up.

[00:30:40] Dwayne: Yeah, they. 

[00:30:40] Koji: I apologize.

[00:30:41] Erik: I never doubted you.

[00:30:42] Dwayne: They were indentured servants or whatever the case.

[00:30:44] Koji: I apologize. Dwayne for.

[00:30:45] Dwayne: That's okay. But what we're really saying is capitalism doesn't work. And. And like the billionaires wanting to own everything is like they're trying to insulate themselves from the fall of capitalism when it's like once you're doing that, then it's already.

[00:30:58] Cat: Yeah.

[00:30:58] Dwayne: It's already done.

[00:30:59] Cat: Time capitalism falls, then the dollar crashes, and then they own nothing actually.

[00:31:04] Dwayne: They shouldn't own anything and be happy.

[00:31:06] Cat: I guess that's why they want cryptos because they want something that could never crash. Except for, I don't know. I feel like if demand falls, there's no one to buy anything. The whole thing collapses on itself. It doesn't matter if you are Elon Musk and you have everything because you have nothing.

[00:31:18] Koji: I mean, that's why. I mean, that's why, uh, Elon's not talking about universal basic income, right? Have you guys heard what he's talking about now?

[00:31:24] Dwayne: What's that?

[00:31:25] Koji: Universal high income. So everybody gets a lot of money.

[00:31:29] Dwayne: Yeah, but the government.

[00:31:30] Cat: Or he could just pay his taxes.

[00:31:31] Dwayne: But the government is still paying him directly through us. Like it's like the conduit, you know?

[00:31:37] Koji: Yeah. But the point is that more like, instead of everyone making like a basic income, everyone's like, I mean, because there's not going to be a lot of jobs. So that's like the gist of it. So people would still spend money. So there's still an economy,

[00:31:47] Dwayne: But it's still. It's still like this weird thing because it's like the government gives us money, we give it to Bezos and Elon Musk.

[00:31:53] Cat: It sounds a lot like we're gonna have communism, you guys. I'm pretty sure we're gonna end up now.

[00:31:59] Dwayne: It was always going to end that way, really, you know? Especially once Reagan did away with all the failsafes. What are you gonna say.

[00:32:06] Erik: Reagan?

[00:32:07] Dwayne: Yeah.

[00:32:07] Erik: Richard Kind had a beautiful story where two artists, like, went to this, like, really fancy party and it was like, really, like lavish and expensive. And one of them, like, turns the other one and he's like, oh, man, look at all this amazing stuff. Look at all this grand stuff. And the other one's like, yeah, but whoever owns this house, we have something that he'll never have. And he's like, what? And he's like, enough.

[00:32:29] Dwayne: Right? Yeah.

[00:32:30] Erik: What a beautiful little anecdote. 

[00:32:32] Dwayne: That is. I like that story, too. And you know the Soho House in New York. You know, Soho House is, um, it's like a club for artists and people in, I think fashion, you know, that kind of thing. And the one in New York, apparently a lot of artists like the cool kids, the cool kids who didn't have much, but some of them had something.

[00:32:51] Cat: You have to apply to be in.

[00:32:52] Dwayne: And all the, uh, like the Wall Street, like finance bros started joining. So they had to kind of like change the rules because the finance bros, it was like. 

[00:33:02] Erik: Different culture.

[00:33:03] Dwayne: Can't you just eat your Chinese food at night and, you know, short things and do that? Why do you have to come over? But everybody wants something, you know, everybody wants some kind of cachet that they don't have, you know.

[00:33:20] Cat: Now that we've reviewed the evidence, let's give our theories.

[00:33:23] Koji: Bill gates is not trying to do this, but Uh, what he's trying to do is he wants to serve human meat to people, like. Right. And so I think this is like, he's, he's actually thinks that the best version, I mean, like, he thinks that humans are destroying the planet and that the best way for us to survive is by serving human meat to humans as a kind of f you. I mean, and this is not without like without precedence. I was just reading a book about AI, and there are sizable percentage of AI scientists who believe the best outcome of AI is to actually, all the humans die like the size of.

[00:34:02] Cat: Oh, I heard about this,

[00:34:02] Erik: I agree.

[00:34:03] Koji: And so like, yeah, so in the same way Bill gates is like humans, I've been hurt. I like, I like, I feel bad about being like Epstein files and all that. It was Epstein files.

[00:34:12] Erik: He was

[00:34:12] Dwayne: he was,

[00:34:14] Koji: But he felt bad. So now he's gonna serve humans to humans as a as a nephew. So that's my theory.

[00:34:20] Cat: Ah, that is not my theory.

[00:34:21] Dwayne: You just you just gave me an idea, though. We like, we gotta, like, have hot chicks of age, of age.

[00:34:27] Koji: Yeah.

[00:34:28] Dwayne: We need them to draw.

[00:34:29] Koji: What's that like 12?

[00:34:29] Erik: The Wayans. Brothers.

[00:34:30] Koji: Is that 14 or 15?

[00:34:31] Dwayne: No, no. You know, 20 and up. We need them to, like, link up with the with the, uh, all of the, the tech dudes, the tech, and just tell them to chill out, you know what I mean?

[00:34:42] Koji: You're enough.

[00:34:43] Dwayne: Right? Because that's what's gonna save us. Like pretty women who just take the bullet and just be with a, like a weird kind of dude who happens to be rich. Yeah, yeah, but but calm them down. Like, calm them down because the government is not going to stop them. Nothing's going to stop him. He's going to pay his way out of what's going to stop him is just just a hot chick that's like, come on Brad, don't do that.

[00:35:09] Cat: I wish I was capable of that. I don't think we are, because it's really hard not to sound sarcastic, to be like, you're. Hey.

[00:35:20] Dwayne: This is where we go. Full circle.

[00:35:21] Cat: Fine.

[00:35:22] Dwayne: This is where we go full circle. It is hard. It is hard. Like the greatest actors.

[00:35:27] Erik: Well, they're all hard.

[00:35:28] Dwayne: My favorite thing is. Great actors who have to say bad lines that I know I couldn't say, and they deliver them. So full circle is what you need to believe is to do wrestling, right? Because in wrestling, you're in, you're in, you're in tight, you've got a mask on, you're drinking Pinot noir, and you've just got to commit. So once you learn how to commit, then you can say what you need to say to these nerds without that tinge of sarcasm.

[00:35:52] Cat: I'm so bad at that in real life.

[00:35:54] Dwayne: I am too, though. Like people always read me. Like when like when like they call me and I don't want to talk to them. Even on the phone, they can hear it. They're like, are you okay? I'm like, no, I'm good. Let's talk.

[00:36:05] Erik: I can feel the one tear going down your cheek right now. Through this PTA conference later on.

[00:36:12] Dwayne: But I think like, not incels who don't have money.

[00:36:15] Koji: Yeah. And the rich guys

[00:36:16] Dwayne: they're dangerous too. But like the the incels with $1 billion, we need we need to neutralize them.

[00:36:22] Cat: Oh, that will be. They'll get neutralized. Yeah. All right, I go next. Uh, I think he has the land for two things. Ai data centers because. Duh. And then two for his lab grown meat project. He needs land to actually do the lab grown meat. There's got to be a place to put the factories.

[00:36:43] Koji: Can we say the lab grown meat is human meat?

[00:36:45] Cat: I mean, it could be, but it probably won't be. And I hope that they have all kinds of cool meats that aren't human meat. Like, it would be great to have octopus meat not attached to an octopus because they're super smart. But the food.

[00:36:58] Dwayne: There's no animals, just sort of just growing meat.

[00:37:00] Cat: You take the DNA and then you basically make it grow like a little tumor, except for it's like a little like meat.

[00:37:07] Dwayne: Like a little muscle in a jar or something.

[00:37:09] Erik: Yeah. No tumor, no feelings, no emotions.

[00:37:12] Cat: It has no brain.

[00:37:13] Koji: What if it screamed every time you bit, though?

[00:37:16] Cat: I heard that grass, that plants do that actually, very quietly.

[00:37:20] Dwayne: I heard that too. That plants know when you're eating them. But I mean,

[00:37:23] Erik: They're alive.

[00:37:24] Cat: What are you gonna do?

[00:37:25] Dwayne: Wait.

[00:37:25] Erik: Eat more.

[00:37:26] Dwayne: But I think plants understand, though. I think they've been. We've been eating them longer, so I think they're.

[00:37:32] Cat: The only thing you can eat without causing it any pain, technically, is the sun. So only only plants are pure and like, have no sin.

[00:37:40] Erik: In reality bites. Wasn't there a character who was like a super vegan where he only ate plants that like fell off the tree like so they wouldn't feel pain, like an apple had to fall off a tree from to that's.

[00:37:51] Koji: I mean, in the documentary Twilight, they were vegan vampires because they only eat cows.

[00:37:56] Erik: Oh wait, that was a documentary.

[00:37:58] Koji: Yeah. The the Twilight documentary.

[00:38:00] Dwayne: They didn't eat people.

[00:38:00] Erik: Oh, I thought you meant Twilight was being pitched as a documentary, I guess. Man, I believe, I believe.

[00:38:06] Dwayne: I guess I'll go. I have two different. I'm so stuck between my two. But I'll go with this one.

[00:38:11] Erik: Do the second one first.

[00:38:12] Dwayne: Yeah. I'll do. I'm gonna go with the second one I thought of. So here's what it is. I think um, Bill gates I mean, he's not alone in this, but he's been really great throughout his career at um, predicting things, but also at stealing technology or borrowing it or licensing it or whatever,

[00:38:28] Koji: Stealing it. It's fine.

[00:38:29] Dwayne: Like he took, you know, he took dos from this dude. He paid him like 50 grand and he made $1 billion off of it. You know, uh, the mouse windows that came from Xerox, excuse me, that came from Xerox labs. So what I think is he's had access to AI and different things way before we have. And I think he's already contacted the aliens and he's made a deal with them. He's basically said, listen, I need more of your technology so I can stay ahead of the curve. You know, especially it was, you know, when it happened to when that what was the, uh, what was the windows music thing that didn't work out the windows? Oh, no, not the paper, but. Zune. Yeah. The.

[00:39:07] Erik: Oh yeah  yeah.

[00:39:09] Dwayne: After Zune, he was like, he just, he was like, no, this is never gonna happen again. So he got in contact with aliens. And basically they said, well, we'll help you. We just need a place where we can chill, where people won't try to kill us. So he's buying up all this farmland. He's going to grow corn around it, but then it's just going to be so the aliens can have a little safe haven while they feed him technology.

[00:39:29] Koji: Okay, I like that one.

[00:39:30] Cat: Also, you know how like alien, like there's all those corn circles, crop circles, Where aliens can only land on corn.

[00:39:38] Koji: Oh.

[00:39:39] Dwayne: I see how this coming together.

[00:39:43] Koji: Okay, Eric, do you have a theory?

[00:39:44] Dwayne: That's how I fuel their ships.

[00:39:45] Erik: I have three.

[00:39:46] Koji: Okay. Pick one.

[00:39:47] Erik: Okay. Um, I'm gonna merge two together.

[00:39:51] Cat: Pick the weirdest one.

[00:39:52] Erik: Oh, that one wasn't too weird. That was more normal. Oh, okay. Seattle guy. He loves Washington. Loves green. Maybe he just wants a little bit of green every time he goes to a new state. You know what I mean? Like, I just want to pick. I just want to be on the grassy field because I like grass and greenery.

[00:40:11] Dwayne: If you can't take mohammed to Seattle, bring Seattle to Mohammed. Is that what you're saying?

[00:40:15] Erik: Yes, exactly. Are you saying Mohammed and Bill gates or, uh, pretty in a way.

[00:40:19] Dwayne: Mohammed? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:40:20] Erik: People. People bow to their computers five times a day. Um, can I give the honorable mention?

[00:40:25] Koji: Yeah. Of course.

[00:40:26] Erik: Uh, what if, um, it's either a, like a weird tax write off thing or B in the prenup. Technically, Melinda can't get land, so if he just puts all his money in the land, she can't take half of that because he's he he owns it. He owns his little piece of Seattle in Oklahoma.

[00:40:43] Dwayne: I like that, too. I also like bringing Seattle with him wherever he goes.

[00:40:47] Koji: Yeah.

[00:40:47] Dwayne: Yes, yes.

[00:40:48] Erik: Just a bowl of clam chowder everywhere he goes. Is that what they're known for?

[00:40:52] Cat: Can I vote for that? Can I vote for the divorce theory there?

[00:40:55] Erik: I'm gonna change it to divorce theory. Actually, yeah. Don't worry about Seattle. It'll always be there. Divorce money not taken by Melinda. That's my pitch.

[00:41:03] Dwayne: Feels like she can still get that, but. Yeah.

[00:41:06] Cat: All right. It's time for us to pick the unofficial official story. So which one are we going with? I like the divorce one. I think it makes the most sense to me.

[00:41:14] Koji: It makes the most sense to you.

[00:41:15] Erik: I, um, this will mess it up because now we're doing each other. I like that he was just gonna use them for AI farms. Like realistically, I think like, let's get these giant pieces of land, just like throw buildings.

[00:41:26] Cat: It could be both.

[00:41:27] Dwayne: You need water for an AI.

[00:41:28] Erik: It could be both.

[00:41:29] Dwayne: To cool off the machines.

[00:41:30] Erik: Yeah. And a divorce. You can't get my money and I own Skynet. You know what I mean? There you go.

[00:41:35] Koji: Oh, wait, you guys are trying to combine. Is that what's going on?

[00:41:37] Cat: We're teaming up.

[00:41:38] Dwayne: Oh, wait. So that's that's become divorce and AI center. Is that.

[00:41:42] Cat: Yeah.

[00:41:42] Erik: Yeah, it could be both.

[00:41:43] Cat: Yeah. He got the land so he could, like, shelter it from the divorce. But then conveniently now he's like, oh, shit. I could use it for data centers.

[00:41:49] Erik: He can like, grow a T 1000 on it.

[00:41:51] Koji: Wait, you had a side theory to my theory? So it sounds like you would believe in my theory. I mean, I'm just saying like.

[00:41:57] Dwayne: No, I just thought hot chicks could save us.

[00:41:59] Koji: No, no, you actually believed in my theory, too.

[00:42:02] Dwayne: No, no, no, I'm leaving my theory. I didn't hate your theory, though.

[00:42:05] Koji: Yeah. I mean.

[00:42:06] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah.

[00:42:06] Koji: But we don't want them to win, though, do we?

[00:42:08] Dwayne: So?

[00:42:09] Erik: So technically, Melinda Gates is a hot chick, so you can make it one.

[00:42:12] Dwayne: That's true, that's true, that's true.

[00:42:13] Koji: Is she Hot. Really?

[00:42:14] Dwayne: Well, to him, I mean, she's hot to me, too. Melinda. You know how I've always felt about you anyway.

[00:42:22] Erik: Open those gates. Those gates baby.

[00:42:27] Dwayne: So, wait. Your theory reiterated again.

[00:42:29] Koji: Human. They're humans. And it's because he hates humans.

[00:42:32] Dwayne: Oh, wait. Wait, but I can't. So you could vote for mine. And then we could. It would be a deadlock, too, that he's just. This is going to be AI like a safe space for aliens. His farmland.

[00:42:43] Koji: Yeah. That's true.

[00:42:45] Erik: If ours is even out.

[00:42:46] Dwayne: And you like aliens.

[00:42:47] Erik: And yours even out and there's no real thing, we all still win. Because. Secondly Bill. Bill lost.

[00:42:53] Cat: No, I think we need round two of voting. We each need to go again and vote between these.

[00:42:57] Koji: Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna vote for that. Uh, I'm gonna vote for the AI farms.

[00:43:01] Dwayne: Oh, okay. So that's it?

[00:43:02] Erik: Yeah. Well, you could technically even it out, maybe.

[00:43:06] Dwayne: No, no. He's voting for the AI farms.

[00:43:07] Cat: Which is one, two, three.

[00:43:09] Dwayne: Which with with the fact that he's also blocking out Melinda.

[00:43:12] Koji: Three.

[00:43:13] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah.

[00:43:13] Koji: I'm just like Bill.

[00:43:14] Dwayne: I mean, uh, I'll just make it a, you know, unanimous because like we said, Melinda is a hot chick. But she didn't. She wasn't able to contain him though. Like he still went to the island, you know what I mean?

[00:43:24] Erik: He did. Yeah,

[00:43:25] Dwayne: But.

[00:43:26] Erik: William went to the island, right? Bill stayed back home

[00:43:28] Dwayne: right?

[00:43:31] Erik: It was a while when he's the full name. Right, right.

[00:43:34] Cat: That is the official story.

[00:43:43] Koji: Since we're talking about food control, let's play a quick game of yay or nay. I've got five outrageous food conspiracies. Tell me if you're buying it or if it's a total nay. All right. So conspiracy one the FDA legally allows frozen strawberries to contain up to a certain percentage of insect fragments, meaning your smoothie is technically a protein shake. Yay or nay?

[00:44:02] Cat: Yes, definitely.

[00:44:03] Erik: Yay from.

[00:44:04] Dwayne: Shirley. Yay! Yes. It's not even that crazy.

[00:44:08] Erik: If Trader Joe's $3 wine can be like, oh, we might have some rats in here because we don't filter it all the way. I think some strawberries can have little bugs. Yeah, I feel like some very cheap wines because they collect all the grapes with the things like leaves and bugs and animals fall in it and they're like, yeah, it's just part of a small percentage.

[00:44:25] Koji: Wow. That's crazy.

[00:44:26] Erik: I still drink it. I'll still drink. I like it more, actually. I like it more.

[00:44:29] Dwayne: Uh, conspiracy theory number two. Most store bought honey is fake because it's been ultra filtered to remove all pollen, making it making it impossible to trace the origin or even prove it came from a bee. Yay or nay?

[00:44:43] Erik: Yay!

[00:44:44] Dwayne: Definitely yay. Because. The bee population is is decreasing. So they've got to figure out a way to like.

[00:44:49] Erik: Be.

[00:44:50] Dwayne: Get, be ahead of it, be ahead of it and make it and make honey without bees.

[00:44:54] Cat: No, I think they can detect certain things. Like if it's a bee, that's that like there's orange blossom honey and wildflower honey. So I think they can at least detect like that variety. And there's also like the manuka honey. There's lots that are raw honey that they sell. I know, so, but maybe like the ultra processed ones, I agree.

[00:45:14] Dwayne: Yeah. But it says most store bought and if they're making fake meat, you know, you can't trust the honey either. Really.

[00:45:20] Erik: Both at Popeyes and churches, if you get a biscuit, you get honey flavored syrup in the pack. You know what I mean? I can see a lot of honey manufacturers putting honey on the label and then, you know, asterisk in the middle. So I feel like it's a yay for me, but it's kind of like one of those things where I feel like we're just getting lied to a lot. So probably, probably this is happening and they're lying about it.

[00:45:45] Cat: Conspiracy number three, the red food coloring in your favorite snacks is actually made from crushed cochineal beetles. And you've been eating bugs this whole time. Yay or nay?

[00:45:57] Erik: Yay. 

[00:45:58] Koji: Yay. 

[00:45:58] Cat: Yay!

[00:45:58] Dwayne: I would say yay, but only if that's cheaper than whatever the other process is like. They definitely would do this. There's no like nothing stopping them from a moral, moral standpoint, but it's got to be cheaper than, you know, just doing whatever the.

[00:46:15] Cat: I used to work. For the body shop, the, um, the beauty company.

[00:46:20] Erik: Oh, they were going to talk about a strip club in West Hollywood. I'm like, whoa that's bold to admit. She's like, I'm the bouncer. All right, you're not getting past Cat. If you want to get through here.

[00:46:29] Cat: No, I worked for the one where they sell makeup and lotions and all that. And they had a red lipstick, but it was never quite red. It was always, like, sort of magenta. People would complain, and it's because everything they sold was vegan and they could not use the crushed beetles.

[00:46:45] Dwayne: Oh, interesting.

[00:46:47] Erik: Um, I believe it's red. Number five is supposed to be the beetle one.

[00:46:50] Dwayne: Oh, is that right?

[00:46:51] Erik: Hundred percent sure. But, um a lot of like a lot of candies now are like, oh, I like it, but I know in and out for their, um, their, their sauce, their spread. Um, they replace red number five with turmeric. And I feel like a lot of other companies are also doing a lot more turmeric based coloring because the old red is bugs.

[00:47:10] Dwayne: Nice and turmeric is good for you.

[00:47:11] Erik: Yeah, it is. 

[00:47:12] Dwayne: Conspiracy number four, the shiny wax on supermarket apples is a petroleum based coating designed to keep them fresh in cold storage for over a year before they hit the shelf. Yay or nay?

[00:47:25] Erik: Yay!

[00:47:25] Koji: Yay! Actually. So like eggs. Like if you have chickens and stuff, you don't actually have to put the eggs in the refrigerator. You're actually not supposed to because it ruins the eggs. So, but the refrigerators you get in the market have been processed and stuff. So much stuff is on it. You actually have to like put it in the refrigerator and keep it like the like it tripped me out because the first time I, my stepfather gave me fresh eggs. He's like, don't put it in refrigerator. And I was like, how long could it be out there? He's like weeks. And actually it stays good for weeks because there's no, there's no like chemicals and crap and stuff on it. So it's just really interesting. So I'm definitely a yay on this one.

[00:47:59] Erik: Yeah, I think I saw an Instagram reel on this. So that's enough proof for me. I say yes. I say yes.

[00:48:06] Dwayne: What's interesting, I ate a lot of apples. And uh, yeah, when you see one that doesn't have that shininess, you know, like I try to get that one, you know, but most of them have that little gloss. And it's like, I wish like none of them had it because I think some people probably see the, the dull, the matte finish apple and they go, I don't want the matte finish, you know.

[00:48:27] Erik: Give me the glossy.

[00:48:28] Dwayne: Right.

[00:48:29] Cat: This feels like something a Disney movie, like something about the like being attracted to the glossy one is what makes the witch eat you like some sort of weird Grimm story tale. 

[00:48:39] Dwayne: Lesson within. 

[00:48:41] Erik: The witch is all about the wax, you know what I mean? The good queen, she's like, no, no, no, I have this.

[00:48:45] Cat: I want the ugly fruit. Because it was all about what was inside all along.

[00:48:49] Erik: It grows into a nice fruit, beautiful fruit, marries a prince, a king.

[00:48:54] Koji: Conspiracy. Number five natural vanilla flavoring is sometimes derived from castoreum, a secretion from beaver's scent glands located right near its tail, also known as their butthole. All right. Yay or nay? Guys.

[00:49:07] Cat: Uh, I think this one is true.

[00:49:09] Dwayne: I love vanilla. I always put, like, a little shot of vanilla. Not always, but. Often.

[00:49:14] Koji: Butthole juice.

[00:49:14] Dwayne: So I'm gonna say no because I don't want to think that that's happening.

[00:49:20] Koji: Eric

[00:49:20] Erik: I'm. Or maybe because I feel like that would be more expensive. You can grow vanilla bean, but you gotta milk a beaver butthole. I feel like that's a harder, more expensive way to get your vanilla flavor.

[00:49:31] Dwayne: Unless beavers are like, come get this vanilla.

[00:49:35] Erik: Pay extra for it. Onlyfans only. Dams. You know what I'm talking about. Dams. Sexy. Sexy. I'm wet. So that tail. Um, I'm gonna go with nay. But I'm hoping I'm right.

[00:49:48] Koji: I'm gonna go with nay on that one.

[00:49:50] Cat: I think I'm never eating again.

[00:50:01] Dwayne: Thank you. Eric. Tell us where people can find you.

[00:50:03] Koji: Yeah, I'm on, uh, the social media at Eric Escobar. That's Eric with a K ERIKESCOBAR. Uh, definitely come check it out and see a show I'm doing. Alaska this year. Doing the northwest. Doing the Midwest. Doing everywhere. So say you heard me on this podcast and I'll charge you double.

[00:50:21] Dwayne: Yeah. Nice.

[00:50:22] Cat: All right. So if this is mid-June for you at the end of the month in on the 25th, 26th, 27th and 28th, I will be in North Carolina in the Durham area. Follow me on Instagram at Cat Alvarado comedy CATALVARADO. Comedy. To see more information about the upcoming shows. I will also be taping my special in Portland on July 24th. So if you are in Portland, please come out. It's at the Curious Comedy Theater and it's going to be really fun. So yeah.

[00:50:57] Koji: Dwayne.

[00:50:58] Dwayne: Um, yeah, I'm looking up the name of my show, but I can just tell them the place. Um, actually, I know this is June, but I don't have like a other than local LA shows that pop up last minute. Uh, I don't have a show show at a club that people can come to until, um, August 21st and 22nd in, in Arizona. So if you're in Arizona, it's on my website, look up those shows. Hopefully you can come check me either the 21st or 22nd of August.

[00:51:23] Koji: And I do want to mention that Erik is going to be on the season three of Comedy Invasion, which will be hopefully streaming soon. So you can see him and a bunch of other Asian American or AAPI comics that are, uh, that are wonderful and are going to be doing some great comedy. I mean, one of my favorites besides Erik is a lady named Kitty pine, and she's from Las Vegas and she's amazing. Um, her comedy is really, really funny. We saw a sneak preview of it.

[00:51:50] Cat: To our listeners. Thanks for joining us on this grilled journey.

[00:51:55] Dwayne: Remember to share, subscribe and leave a review.

[00:51:57] Koji: We're staying monthly this season, so we'll see you in July. But in our next episode on July 16th, we'll be celebrating the birthday month of famous pandas like Hua Hua, Meng Lan and Tai Shan by asking a question that might get us banned from every zoo on earth. Are pandas real or are they just guys in really high quality bear suits who are tired of pretending to eat bamboo? I'm super excited about this. I know I've been spending.

[00:52:21] Cat: Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe that's why they don't do it with each other. Like they just like, know there's a limit to what I'm willing to do for money.

[00:52:29] Koji: I mean, actually, one of the craziest.

[00:52:30] Erik: It's not so black and white, you know what I mean?

[00:52:33] Koji: One of the craziest facts is that there was no mention of pandas in Chinese literature to like the, like, late 19th century.

[00:52:40] Cat: What?

[00:52:41] Koji: Yeah. And like, I mean, Chinese like, like civilizations have been really long time, right? And the fact that they never mentioned it is very suspicious. So, you know, I don't know.

[00:52:49] Erik: Can I change my Bill gates answer to panda meat? That's what they're for. That's what those fields are for.

[00:52:58] Koji: All right guys, thank you so much. Have a great week. Month life. Bye. 

[00:53:02] Cat: Bye.

[00:53:02] Dwayne: Bye.