S6E1 Solar Double-Takes & The Intergalactic I Told You So

[00:00:00] Cat: We survived our month long hiatus, and we're officially back for season six of the unofficial official story. I'm Cat Alvarado.

[00:00:07] Dwayne: And I'm Dwayne Perkins, and.

[00:00:08] Koji: I'm Koji Steven Sakai. We've investigated everything from the Super Bowl being scripted to Marilyn Monroe's secret Files. We're taking things to a whole new level this year.

[00:00:17] Cat: Before we get into today's massive celestial cover up, let's kick off the season with our first icebreaker of 2026. Koji, you've been saying this for years, so let's put it out there. What if we finally make first contact and find out that aliens are actually Asians?

[00:00:33] Koji: I'd be so excited. This would be like a culmination of everything I've ever dreamed.

[00:00:38] Dwayne: So everyone you accused of being racist before, would you have to offer some kind of apology, some broad statement?

[00:00:45] Koji: I would say, well, you were right. So, so so you might not know this, but there's this like, uh, like, you know, the grey aliens you see. A lot of people call those actually descendants or related aliens because Asians because.

[00:00:57] Dwayne: Almond shaped eyes.

[00:00:58] Koji: Almond shaped eyes.

[00:00:59] Dwayne: No hair.

[00:00:59] Koji: Small.

[00:01:00] Ron: Wow.

[00:01:01] Koji: Like robotic.

[00:01:01] Ron: I see it.

[00:01:02] Koji: Yeah.

[00:01:04] Dwayne: I never knew until Koji told me.

[00:01:06] Koji: Yeah.

[00:01:06] Ron: And then the Bigfoot eventually evolved to Middle Easterns. Like, what is this?

[00:01:11] Koji: Well, they have, like, Nordics or like, tall Nordic looking people.

[00:01:15] Cat: There's also Nordic aliens. Alien theories too. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think if the aliens are Asians, I think that it's actually Chinese people who, uh, have learned to time time travel.

[00:01:28] Ron: I believe that we did come from those from those beings. Why?

[00:01:34] Koji: Uh, Asians are just in general.

[00:01:36] Ron: I think we evolved from those from that species.

[00:01:39] Koji: Humans in general or Asians.

[00:01:41] Ron: Asians. Oh, Asians. I believe that Asians came here after everybody.

[00:01:46] Cat: After everybody.

[00:01:47] Ron: Like they for evolution happened. Then they had black and white and in between. And Asians were like, I'm gonna go there. And then we came in after.

[00:01:57] Cat: I mean. They did come with a lot of like different technologies. Like they had the gunpowder.

[00:02:02] Ron: And in China they have pyramids that we don't know anything about because they don't they want to tell us.

[00:02:07] Dwayne: Right. But the only thing with that is that if you look from like, start at Africa, right? There's no African aliens because everyone was like, you guys are from here. So if you go north, people get gradually lighter. And then but if you go east, you know, like people in like Madagascar, if you go to like Australia, like the indigenous people look more and more Asian. It's like a, it's, it's like, you can kind of see how it can.

[00:02:35] Koji: But like, for example, like they used to think that Asians, the native or indigenous people came through the land bridge, but what actually they.

[00:02:42] Dwayne: To America.

[00:02:42] Koji: To America or to the Americas. But what they actually found was the Clovis people were here before the land bridge existed. And the Clovis people are like, there were people that lived in Arizona.

[00:02:53] Dwayne: But they may have come from like from Greenland or something like that way. Right?

[00:02:57] Koji: Well, not not the land bridge.

[00:02:59] Dwayne: No, no, not not not the Russian landbridge.

[00:03:02] Cat: Pangea when it was all together.

[00:03:03] Koji: Well they don't.

[00:03:03] Dwayne: I don't think.

[00:03:04] Koji: That humans weren't there at that point.

[00:03:06] Cat: I didn't think so.

[00:03:06] Koji: No. But like so the point is that the the Clovis people have proven that it's not necessarily only a land migration with from Asia that created.

[00:03:20] Dwayne: The humans evolved separately in two different places.

[00:03:23] Koji: But the idea that there is like there are people have popped up in different places.

[00:03:27] Ron: Well, this is what I was thinking too, because I meant like, there was, you know, there was like, there was Homo sapiens, there was Neanderthal. And there was like a couple other human species, none of them were Asian. There were pygmies. There were smaller.

[00:03:39] Cat: Oh yeah. There's like Florentinest Think. Yeah, I think that's one of them.

[00:03:42] Ron: Yeah. But there were no Asians.

[00:03:44] Dwayne: Interesting. And by the way, that voice you hear is our guest. No, no it's good. I want to I want the people to know who's, um, dropping all this knowledge. I guess, today. He's he's we've known each other for years. When I first met him, he took me to to Toronto Blue Jays game.

[00:04:00] Ron: Oh my God.

[00:04:00] Dwayne: That was that was pretty dope. Yeah, yeah. We've traveled the world together. Usually not at the same time, but every now and then together we've done Asia together. Australia together. He's a great comic. Um, he's just taped Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen. Please welcome the hilarious Ron Jostle is with us.

[00:04:18] Ron: Thanks, guys.

[00:04:19] Cat: Welcome.

[00:04:20] Ron: Thank you for having me.

[00:04:20] Koji: When did you decide to become a comedian?

[00:04:23] Ron: Um, probably when I was eight.

[00:04:25] Dwayne: Oh, I didn't know it was that young. That's crazy.

[00:04:27] Ron: I saw Eddie Murphy delirious for the first time, and I go, oh, that's good. That's what I'm gonna do. And it didn't hit me until probably 22. And I went, I did my last exam for, for, for college. And I walked straight to an open mic, uh, a comedy club and did open mic night on Monday and never stopped.

[00:04:45] Dwayne: Oh, wow. And you had some jokes prepared at that point?

[00:04:47] Ron: No, I didn't know comics wrote jokes. I thought everything was improv, so I thought Eddie Murphy's Delirious was improv because I would watch.

[00:04:54] Cat: A lot of people think that.

[00:04:56] Dwayne: People do think that.

[00:04:56] Ron: It was like, it was kind of like the time where people believed that that was improv, and WWF at the time was real.

[00:05:04] Koji: Oh, it's not real. Wait.

[00:05:06] Ron: It is now.

[00:05:08] Ron: It was fake. It was real now.

[00:05:10] Dwayne: I mean, it's real. And that they really do, you know, hurt each other.

[00:05:13] Ron: But but it's scripted. Oh, I didn't know comedy comedy shows were scripted. And obviously it's riffing and improv in between. But there is a set journey you have to go through in your act. And so I thought that I could just improv. So I went to an open mic that was 400 people. For some reason, that open mic never has more than 20 people, but four colleges happened to go in because it was after. It was their March break. And I go, okay, let me do it. I'm like, whoa. He's like, just put your name in the bucket. I'm like, all right, put my name in the bucket. There was only four people that signed up, so I had to go. Everybody has to do ten now. And it was like, yeah, I'm like, so 10 was pretty easy. I never did. 

[00:05:52] Dwayne: Ten minutes if you've never done stand up is outrageous.

[00:05:55] Ron: Yeah. This person doesn't know anything about comedy as well because they just produced a Tuesday show.

[00:06:00] Dwayne: Right? Right.

[00:06:00] Ron: And they go, you're doing ten, you do this Ron. Can you do ten? I go, oh 10 15 okay, do 15,

[00:06:05] Dwayne: Ten. 15.

[00:06:07] Ron: I didn't know. I thought you can just talk.

[00:06:09] Dwayne: Right.

[00:06:09] Ron: I got booed within a minute.

[00:06:12] Dwayne: Oh yeah. College kids.

[00:06:14] Ron: You suck, you fat. Like he swore. I'm like, whoa.

[00:06:17] Dwayne: And did you take him? Did you did that push you into MMA? Or. 

[00:06:21] Ron: So I did MMA.

[00:06:23] Dwayne: After that or before that?

[00:06:24] Ron: Before that Brazilian jiu jitsu I was doing since I was 16. So I started comedy when I was 21.

[00:06:28] Dwayne: I see 

[00:06:28] Ron: 20. 20 21, I can't remember. But anyways, that made me have this the courage to do comedy because if I get beaten up, choked out, armbar and tap out, this won't mean anything. And then when I got booed, it hurt more than any fight. I lost this hurt,

[00:06:46] Ron: Right. And that's and that's what I tell. That's what makes your comic. If you come back after your first bomb.

[00:06:52] Ron: Oh yeah. My first show I have on tape and I got booed and they had it on and they put it as a documentary in Canada. There was a TV show that was in Canada and it was me, Russell Peters, a couple other people, and they were like, Ron, we have a video of you. I'm like, how would you find that? And I was like, we want to tell you. They actually got it from my brother, but it was me bombing. And I'm like, this. It's not easy, okay? And I jump off the stage and I go to the bathroom and I'm holding on the counter and I'm like, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. And a tear comes down. Not this one. For some reason, this falls down. I go, you slut. I don't know why I call myself a slut.

[00:07:30] Dwayne: That means you're right eyed.

[00:07:31] Ron: That's right. And the left.

[00:07:33] Dwayne: I made that up. I don't know if.

[00:07:35] Ron: The left tear duct was broken and I go, I must love this because it hurts so much. And if it didn't hurt that much, I don't believe I would have loved it.

[00:07:46] Dwayne: Interesting.

[00:07:47] Ron: Yeah. And that's why I went back because I go, I have I love that energy. Like I got booed by.

[00:07:53] Dwayne: Most people do well the first time. That's the thing.

[00:07:55] Ron: I. Didn't do.

[00:07:56] Dwayne: That was a crazy setup. 

[00:07:57] Ron: Twenty Seventh time. But anyways, I finally wrote a joke. But anyways, the the booze was so exhilarating because it was the highest level of attention I've ever got in life. And it was good.

[00:08:08] Dwayne: Interesting.

[00:08:09] Ron: And I'm like, I need this bo again.

[00:08:10] Dwayne: I mean, we're not going to get into it, but it's also kind of sheds light into your love life, you know what I mean?

[00:08:16] Ron: Yeah, yeah.

[00:08:17] Cat: I guess I'm assuming you know about his love life.

[00:08:19] Ron: I get booed a lot. I go, you go boo. Boo boo my penis. No.

[00:08:26] Koji: Wait, so you do BJJ?

[00:08:27] Ron: I've been doing BJJ. I did eight years straight with Royce Gracie. And then after that I just did different because.

[00:08:35] Dwayne: That's a big name.

[00:08:35] Ron: Yeah, yeah. Well, and back then it was 1993. So my, my 1992 before the UFC started, uh, my cousin's home was across the street from the Gracie Academy towards Torrance.

[00:08:46] Koji: Oh, the real one.

[00:08:46] Ron: Yeah, the real one. The original one. But there was nobody there. There was. It was $35 for a month.

[00:08:51] Koji: That's funny.

[00:08:52] Cat: Wow.

[00:08:52] Ron: So me and my brother and my cousins all join because we, we, we found out that the Gracie's from my brother. My brother was a, a fighter. He was a real underground fighter. Uh, for Chinese, for Chinese, uh, kung fu people. So my brother's teacher one time I had to go to his.

[00:09:08] Dwayne: Was IP man? I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[00:09:10] Cat: I know, right, that's exactly what I was thinking.

[00:09:12] Ron: This is the craziest story, and I'm not even fucking lying. My brother goes, get my keys, I forgot it, Doug drove me here so I don't have the keys to get home. I go to his house. I go to the basement. There's only 12 people doing Wing Chun, right? Like this. And I look at this poster that's like that, and it's it, man. Bruce Lee Liuxiang is his teacher. And I go, are those you guys? He's like, yeah, we were the last three students of IP man.

[00:09:34] Dwayne: Oh that's great.

[00:09:36] Ron: You were the last three students before IP man dies. So Bruce Lee was the dick. So this guy this is what SiFu Lah and look see him look singing and Sifu Lah were exactly five years in with Bruce until Bruce Lee left. Bruce says this is bullshit. He goes, why? Because I just got my ass kicked by a boxer. He's like, what do you mean? This shit didn't fucking work? He came from the sides. So he left and looks at him and think were like, no, this is how to really do it right. And then so my brother was taught was taught through the lineage line of the line of it Ip man.

[00:10:09] Dwayne: Interesting.

[00:10:09] Ron: I've never seen him fight in my life, but for 15 years, since he was maybe around 14, he was doing this till 30. I remember I was seeing him fight after 15 years. The reason why he got into this gym, this club was my best friend growing up was this Chinese guy named Doug Chang. And when we went to a a all ages dance party, this guy started fighting him. And then he was surrounded by around 4 or 5.

[00:10:32] Dwayne: Doug or your brother. 

[00:10:33] Ron: Doug.

[00:10:33] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah.

[00:10:34] Ron: And Doug beat them all up and he's 110 pounds. And my brother was like, was that Wing Chun? He's like, yeah. How'd you know that? I take it at the at the recreation center by this guy named, uh, is another Sifu, but his name was Sifu Simon. He goes, okay, why don't you come meet my Sifu? Right. And so maybe you guys could talk and maybe you can join us, like, well, my sifu was really good. He's like, okay, well, mine's good too, but we'll go in. So he goes in and he sees the wooden dummy. He sees everything. He sees the picture. He goes, you know, Bruce Lee. He's like, yeah, he's an asshole. He's like.

[00:11:05] Dwayne: Wow. So your brother was working with another guy? Yeah. And then he got got with.

[00:11:09] Ron: His birthday party. Sifu birthday party. So they were doing he goes, do you do a see saw the sticky fingers. I don't know if you've heard of that because yeah, I know. Okay. Show me. And he was doing it like this. He's like, wow, Sifu Simon fucked you up. He goes, how'd you know Sifu Simon was my sifu? He goes, because he was my he was my student and he didn't finish. And now you have a flaw. He goes, oh no.

[00:11:28] Dwayne: Wow.

[00:11:29] Ron: My brother had to.

[00:11:29] Dwayne: He had a limp hand.

[00:11:31] Ron: You had to break. Himself down and bring it up. So we never I've never seen him fight. I always go drop him off. Bring him my son.

[00:11:37] Dwayne: You got to write a screenplay. Like he goes back and Sifu Simon. You didn't teach me, right? You know.

[00:11:42] Ron: Simon left and he did. He does know some stuff, but he never stayed.

[00:11:47] Dwayne: I see.

[00:11:47] Ron: Right.

[00:11:47] Cat: And so that's why he teaches at the park.

[00:11:50] Dwayne: It's like a comic teaching. Teaching comedy.

[00:11:52] Ron: At. A recreation center

[00:11:54] Cat: Yeah. I mean, nobody at the rec center is going to be like, you didn't do sticky fingers, right? You know. No.

[00:11:59] Ron: There there's. And my brother was like, I, they, he got this red sash and the Sifu took it and he just ripped it off. He was like, we don't do sashes here. There's just no belts. There's nothing. We just fight at the end of the day. And if you win, then we know you're better. That's it. There's no grades, right? And then. So, uh, New Year's happened. We're probably like 29 or something like that. So me and my brother and my and our girlfriends were in a club or having a good time. And my brother's girlfriend got in a fight with another girl, and the boyfriend came and punched my brother's girlfriend and she was on the ground. So my brother came in and fought this guy and did that whole. You ever see Ip man?

[00:12:37] Cat: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

[00:12:38] Ron: The guy was out. I'm like me. I'm like, Holy shit. Cops right behind my brother. Now, my brother didn't know why the, uh, wooden dummy was used. Why is it only that it goes in your peripheral? It's in the middle. And then there's two. He goes in and the Sifu would always like, do this, do this. He saw a baton. He went this boom goes that. He knocked out the cop. The baton flew and he goes, he goes, I didn't even want to do this. It just was like second nature. The bouncers knew my brother and I took us in the back room and got a cab and took us away. That cop never woke up. Oh yeah, maybe he did eventually, but my friends were there. They're like, dude, ambulance came. Cops are looking for you guys. They put him in a stretcher. He never even walked.

[00:13:22] Dwayne: Right.

[00:13:22] Ron: So my brother was like, he goes, oh, how'd he goes? It was a perfect punch. Why? Because I didn't feel anything. All I felt, all I felt was. And that's the jaws and everything breaking.

[00:13:32] Cat: Oh, my God of the cop. Oh, shit.

[00:13:35] Ron: So we didn't even Google to find out if he died. We're just like, oh my God, another. My brother was like that. He would learn something through Sifu or Brazilian jiu jitsu like Royce Gracie, and then we'd be driving. He was like, oh my God, there's a fight outside in the dance club. Hey, let me try the guillotine. What the fuck? Are you crazy? He goes, jump in the car, take the. And he'd go and be like, hey! Boom! And he goes. It worked. And then he get knocked out. He was the guy that would train and then try. 

[00:14:03] Cat: This guy's Crazy.

[00:14:03] Koji: Yeah.

[00:14:03] Ron: So imagine writing jokes and then practicing on it. He was like that for martial arts. Martial doesn't work if you don't try it. So he goes every time, every month. My brother had broken something.

[00:14:14] Cat: Question, question, question. Because I always wonder, like, how does Brazilian jiu jitsu work in real life? Like if somebody ever.

[00:14:19] Ron: Used it in real life, maybe 2 or 3 times.

[00:14:22] Cat: But how do you get on the ground?

[00:14:23] Koji: Most fights end on the ground.

[00:14:24] Ron: So this is the first time I ever used Brazilian jiu jitsu. After 15 years of doing Brazilian jiu jitsu, I fought in rings like underground stuff, but never in the street. So first time I went, I had to open for Jo Koy in Australia around 2013. I'm there for a week doing the comedy, uh, doing the Comedy Store in Sydney. Great club,

[00:14:44] Dwayne: Great club yeah. It's amazing. Amazing.

[00:14:46] Ron: Better than any club in LA.

[00:14:48] Dwayne: And I want to go back and I want to go back to watch a football game. Afl game right next door.

[00:14:52] Ron: Where are you going to go back. Let's go together.

[00:14:53] Dwayne: I gotta set it up. Yeah, let's talk about it.

[00:14:55] Ron: I do a show. They go, hey, you want to do a regular show before the big shows with Joe Koy in Sydney? I go, yeah, it's just another open mic. There's two parts to the show. There's a first, you know, part where there's five comics, second part, there's a break, they go Ron. You close the first half. Cool. So I'm supposed to do 20 minutes in ten minutes. The the, the producers like she's like, I go, oh, she's like, I go, okay, hey, we're gonna take a ten minute break. And then I go, I didn't even do my time. She's like, can you go outside? I go, what, this this crazy guy on meth, just knocking out all the comedians outside and they're all alt comedians, so they don't fight. What did you say? She goes, all comedians, they don't fight.

[00:15:34] Dwayne: Alt comics are like, um, picture, uh, man buns, plaid, uh, Chuck Taylors.

[00:15:41] Cat: They're allergic to things. They definitely have allergies.

[00:15:43] Dwayne: They're not down with toxic masculinity. Any masculinity is toxic.

[00:15:46] Cat: They have prescriptions.

[00:15:47] Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:48] Ron: Hilarious.

[00:15:49] Cat: And they need them.

[00:15:50] Koji: They're always like. They're doing everything.

[00:15:53] Cat: They're on Wellbutrin.

[00:15:54] Dwayne: Right, right.

[00:15:55] Ron: And so I go out and the door won't move. This guy's knocked out in front of the door. So I push it and it's the MC knocked out. And so there's around four. You think you may think I'm lying, but I'm not. There's from four guys out cold or injured. And there's this guy's around six two fully ripped on meth or.

[00:16:12] Dwayne: What the fuck do they want you to do? Well, did they know.

[00:16:14] Cat: Why didn't they call the cops?

[00:16:15] Dwayne: Yeah.

[00:16:16] Ron: Here's the weird part. Cops were across the street, the cops station. They've been calling them for the last 20 minutes. They haven't showed up.

[00:16:22] Dwayne: They were, like, trying to wait till they got tired.

[00:16:23] Ron: Pretty much.

[00:16:24] Dwayne: Yeah.

[00:16:24] Ron: So I go in and I'm like, oh, my God, ripped. Tanked up, douche. Just grabbing people, punching him. Even on the street. He just grabs his guy, you know? He doesn't even know. I go, okay, he's fucked up. And the guy's like, yeah, he's trying to get in the club. And we said, no. And they start punching everybody. And after I'm like. And he looks at me and he goes, ah! He starts taking this guy out of nowhere, tackles him, and now this big douchebag is beating the shit out of this guy who tried to attack. 

[00:16:51] Dwayne: On the ground.

[00:16:52] Ron: And I'm like, oh my God, I didn't even think. I grabbed the guy on top, put him on down, and I had him held on the concrete.

[00:16:59] Dwayne: The crazy guy.

[00:17:00] Ron: Yeah, this is exactly the move I hadn't him in. So imagine you're on your back. And this is what. Hickson. Gracie.

[00:17:05] Dwayne: Oh my arm.

[00:17:06] Ron: He holds this and he puts his knee on his stomach and goes. And he can't move. This is it. This is all you do.

[00:17:10] Dwayne: But you can't move out of this.

[00:17:12] Ron: No. Okay. If you're if you're on your back.

[00:17:13] Dwayne: Oh, on your back.

[00:17:14] Ron: And have a knee on stomach, you are. You're done. Unless you know the technique of getting out. And he's going, he's calling me and I'm constantly I'm like, I'm if you want to be racial or racist, I'm a chink, right? You know, and they everybody is watching now, me holding this guy down from the audience. I mean, the audience is outside watching, you know, I go, can someone call the cops? They go, we've been calling them for 20 minutes. And I go and he's this is exactly what's happening. Like, seriously, man, this guy's trying to get out. I mean, I'm holding him here, but. And then he hit me. I'm like, oh.

[00:17:44] Dwayne: There's nothing cooler than talking while someone's trying to fight you because that just.

[00:17:48] Koji: So, so, so the thing to answer your question, though, also is that one of the differences between like jiu jitsu and a lot of the other martial arts is that when you're, when you're, uh, doing practice, it's not like, like the guy could do anything they want to you and you could do anything back

[00:18:01] Dwayne: Right there's no like throw this punch like choreographed.

[00:18:04] Koji: Problem with a lot of like kung fu. Now it's like we call it choreographed dancing. It's like, I'm gonna do this, and then you're gonna do this and I'm gonna do this. Like in jiu jitsu, it's like, hey, we're gonna roll.

[00:18:12] Ron: And whatever happens, happens, happens.

[00:18:14] Koji: I mean, we just can't punch a kick right now. But like, you're gonna so like, when you're fighting somebody who doesn't know jiu jitsu, you just have to expect that they're gonna do something weird. Yeah, but they're not going to know what you're doing. Like the problem is if I, if I fight find somebody that says jiu jitsu, like they're gonna counter my counter. And then, if I'm fighting somebody that doesn't jiu jitsu, I could do whatever. I just have to make sure that I know that they're gonna do something unpredictable.

[00:18:33] Ron: Of course. And, and really, it does matter. Weight, size and strength for sure. But your technique will overpower their weight.

[00:18:40] Koji: And but I also know to stay far away. Like, like, dude, I'm like, oh, that guy's.

[00:18:44] Dwayne: So did the cops have ever come?

[00:18:46] Ron: So cops came out finally and they had Billy clubs because I didn't I didn't know, I didn't know at the time. But the cops in Australia can't have guns.

[00:18:53] Koji: Yeah.

[00:18:53] Dwayne: Right.

[00:18:54] Ron: And so they go, this is what they're saying to me. Hey, what move do you have him on? And I'm like, can you help? I was like, no, no, no, what is that? I go, it's a Brazilian. Just fucking help me. Like they're trying to find out what I'm doing. And I go, it's this jiu jitsu. I go, he goes, well, let him up, and then he's gonna start punching. He's like, well, don't worry. As soon as I let him out, he gets up. They beat the shit out of him, tie him up and drag him into the police precinct and use his head as a battering ram.

[00:19:20] Dwayne: But the good thing is, from that moment on, the Australian Police force took up jiu jitsu.

[00:19:34] Koji: All right, speaking of being watched from above, we are diving into a massive celestial mystery today in honor of National Sunday, which was May 3rd, which is a big day for all of us I'm sure. 

[00:19:43] Dwayne: He's saying sun day.

[00:19:46] Koji: Sun yeah. Not Sunday.

[00:19:48] Cat: Yeah, we're a few days late. It's May 14th, but as we've established, we're just being lazy. And also time is a flat circle. And the truth is timeless. So today's question is NASA hiding a second sun? Is that like a second family?

[00:20:05] Dwayne: Right. The second son is in Cleveland.

[00:20:07] Koji: I probably have a lot of sons. Did I ell you guys this?

[00:20:10] Dwayne: No

[00:20:10] Koji: I gave sperm when I was in college.

[00:20:12] Dwayne: Oh. You did? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:20:13] Koji: So I never want to take, like, those, like, DNA tests or like, you know, like the 28 and me or whatever. That's like, because I feel like.

[00:20:20] Dwayne: That's like, oh, boy.

[00:20:21] Koji: Yeah, there might be like 100 hundreds of me. Yeah, it could be because, I mean, how many Asians?

[00:20:25] Cat: None. Whatever. He was like, I'm passing on this.

[00:20:28] Koji: So the funniest thing is like, I actually had a crush on the girl that like would take the sample. And I was like, this is so weird to me. Like, how do you like hit on the girl.

[00:20:35] Ron: And how do you say, can you stay in the room while I finish?

[00:20:37] Koji: Well, no, also, like I was like, well, do I always pick the Asian DVD? Because like, you know, or like, you don't want to be too fast.

[00:20:43] Ron: Oh, you mean DVD? They have videos for you to watch?

[00:20:45] Koji: Well, yeah, because how do you do it?

[00:20:46] Ron: Yeah. I thought you have to use your mind.

[00:20:48] Koji: No, no.

[00:20:48] Ron: Like Arby's.

[00:20:49] Koji: So like, I'd be like, okay, today I'll do like something different.

[00:20:53] Dwayne: But the thing is, no matter what DVD they gave him, he pulled out like, uh, some men's magazines.

[00:21:02] Koji: And the funniest, the funniest part about giving sperm is that you can only, like, have sex during like a two hour window in the week. Because if you didn't, if you had it before or after, it would ruin your sample.

[00:21:11] Dwayne: Because you're a good guys are in a sock or wherever they are.

[00:21:14] Koji: Exactly like. And it would, it would be basically like you're giving it for free? And so like you're not actually like, you're not, you're so like, I'd be like, oh shit. It's like 3:00 on a Wednesday, like girlfriend, like you're in class right now. Like it's the only time we could do it. You know.

[00:21:28] Dwayne: The official story is that we live in a simple one star system. Yeah. One star. What's that? It's like, uh, Michael Jai White movie. Even though that's my man. Um.

[00:21:39] Koji: He's in the.

[00:21:40] Dwayne: I love his movies, by the way. I have a bit about it. I joke, but I feel like he's like the poor man's Keanu Reeves and he makes good movies with no fat. He kicks some ass, he gets in, you know what I mean?

[00:21:49] Koji: And he's a nice guy.

[00:21:50] Dwayne: All his movies are like an hour and a half. He makes great, like nice movies. Not like. 

[00:21:55] Ron: He actually kicked my leg once.

[00:21:56] Dwayne: Is that right? Not these, like, four hour movies. You're looking at a guy, I think, for 20 minutes. Anyway, so the official story is that we live in a simple one star system.

[00:22:04] Cat: Oh my God, is that like motel six of solar system?

[00:22:07] Dwayne: Right, right.

[00:22:09] Cat: I was sitting on that one.

[00:22:10] Dwayne: That's a good one. Nasa says those two sun videos people post are just, um, what's that word?

[00:22:16] Cat: Parhelia.

[00:22:18] Dwayne: Parhelia. 

[00:22:18] Koji: Or Sundogs.

[00:22:19] Dwayne: Or. Okay, that's the type of thing. Parhelia or sundogs. Basically sunlight reflecting off ice crystals.

[00:22:25] Cat: Hmm.

[00:22:25] Dwayne: That sounds like a gaslight situation to me.

[00:22:29] Koji: The NASA machine tells us we live in a simple one star system, but a morality clause of physics might be hiding a darker truth. Many believe a second sun, often called Nibiru or nemesis, is lurking in our sky.

[00:22:41] Dwayne: Scientists in the 1980s actually hypothesized the nemesis theory, suggesting a dim companion star triggers mass extinctions every 26 million years.

[00:22:51] Koji: I wonder how close to 26 million we are. Many believe the two suns sightings are evidence of tactical sabotage. Theorists point to NASA patent 30325238 for solar simulations. By using these simulations to rebrand the sky. They effectively make it impossible for the public to realize that the sun is dying. It's dying. The real sun

[00:23:13] Cat: I mean. Yeah, but like.

[00:23:15] Dwayne: Everything's dying. Yeah yeah.

[00:23:16] Cat: Yeah yeah. So NASA claims these sightings are just parhelia or sundogs, where sunlight reflects off ice crystals in the atmosphere. But grainy YouTube footage of double suns is so public it nearly derails the official narrative every time a new video leaks. Some theorists think that these leaks are actually desperate exits by whistleblowers to break the news before the sun simulator mold hardens.

[00:23:40] Koji: This would be a crazy thing to hide.

[00:23:42] Ron: Yeah. But how far would that sun be behind the other sun already be?

[00:23:46] Dwayne: Well, that's the whole thing. From the videos I watched. It all depends on how close the two suns are.

[00:23:51] Ron: Mhm.

[00:23:52] Dwayne: Suns. When suns are birthed, there's always two. And so in our case, if they're close enough together, then you don't you you could not even notice it. And we can we can rotate around the two. But if they're far apart and they rotate around each other, then that throws off the whole everything. And then like in that scenario, like, um, you know, Mercury gets get swallowed up. Earth gets swallowed up. But. But if the. If the two suns are close to each other, you. You may not even notice that.

[00:24:21] Ron: So say this is. 

[00:24:22] Dwayne: Relatively close.

[00:24:23] Ron: The sun. And then the second one is behind it or beside it.

[00:24:26] Cat: They might be like right by each other and like rotating around each other.

[00:24:29] Ron: Right. But what we see is the one.

[00:24:31] Cat: Yeah.

[00:24:31] Ron: But there are it's a rotation that's happening.

[00:24:33] Cat: Yeah. And then every once in a while they come apart enough for us to notice it.

[00:24:36] Dwayne: One could be black and the other. You know how like you see a girl walking down the street and she has a great butt? and you're like, I need to see that. But again. And then you turn. But then some dude is in the way. It's like that. 

[00:24:49] Ron: I thought you were gonna do that for, like. I thought you were gonna say that girl has a nice butt, and it's a guy that turns around.

[00:24:56] Cat: No, I thought you were gonna say, like, you ever look at a butt butt from the side? And then you're like. But then you're the one cheek is blocking the other cheek. You can only see one, but at a time.

[00:25:03] Ron: Okay.

[00:25:04] Dwayne: Yeah, that could happen. But.

[00:25:05] Cat: Like the two suns are like butts, like one cheek and the other cheek.

[00:25:10] Dwayne: That's a good that's actually a good analogy. Yeah.

[00:25:12] Ron: But if we would, if they would be beside each other, could we should be able to see two suns like two boiled eggs.

[00:25:18] Dwayne: Not necessarily. It depends on.

[00:25:21] Cat: On the angle.

[00:25:21] Ron: Yeah. That's right.

[00:25:22] Koji: The funny thing about this theory is that it's a short story from Isaac Asimov.

[00:25:25] Dwayne: Is that right?

[00:25:26] Koji: It's a famous story where basically.

[00:25:27] Dwayne: A man I like, my man Isaac, I gotta.

[00:25:29] Koji: There's a story where there's two. This world has two suns, so it's always daylight and that every certain number of years they. But long enough for people to forget that both suns set. And then the world goes to pitch dark. But there's no such thing as darkness in this world. Because there's always two suns. There's always.

[00:25:46] Dwayne: People who bug out.

[00:25:47] Koji: So yeah. So they bug out, destroy and kill each other, and then society restarts. I was like, when I, when I was like looking this up, I was like, basically, this is that short story.

[00:25:54] Dwayne: It's like the purge.

[00:25:56] Ron: But if you look at like, let's say the north and south pole, how they would have like, let's say during the summertime is a 23 hours of light.

[00:26:05] Dwayne: Right?

[00:26:05] Ron: And in the wintertime, 23 hours of dark, wouldn't that be always light if there's two suns or just because they're circulating, it doesn't matter.

[00:26:12] Dwayne: It all depends.

[00:26:13] Cat: On where they are.

[00:26:14] Dwayne: It depends on where they are. Yeah. And by the way, somehow I read a fact. I don't know how this happens, but the North and South Pole switch every few million years.

[00:26:21] Ron: What are you talking about? Like the earth does this.

[00:26:23] Dwayne: Polarity.

[00:26:23] Cat: Just like the magnet. The magnet?

[00:26:25] Dwayne: Oh, yeah. Yes. Well, don't forget the wise mission results. When NASA's lack of evidence for a brown dwarf led to an immediate mutual separation from the nemesis theory. It was a scientific pivot disguised as a lack of data. I read that I don't know what I just said.

[00:26:41] Cat: I don't know what is the brown dwarf?

[00:26:44] Dwayne: So I guess they, they, they were they basically. 

[00:26:47] Ron: Or Filipino.

[00:26:47] Dwayne: They went down this they went down this path and decided there was not enough data.

[00:26:51] Koji: Yes correct.

[00:26:52] Dwayne: Which means. Which could mean there wasn't or which means there was tons of data. And they were like, fuck, they didn't like what? I mean, it's like when you're arguing with a girl and you're about to be right. And then she just stops talking.

[00:27:04] Ron: Mhm.

[00:27:05] Dwayne: Because it's like.

[00:27:06] Ron: Molly does that a lot.

[00:27:10] Cat: Cat's going to go ahead and ask some questions here.

[00:27:13] Dwayne: Let me read that again. So don't forget wise or WISE mission results, where NASA's lack of evidence for brown dwarf led to an immediate mutual separation from the nemesis theory. Yeah. It was it was like we both wanted to not. You know what I mean? It wasn't like one person broke up with the other. We both kind of. It was mutual. It was a scientific pivot disguised as a lack of data, which I. Okay, that makes sense.

[00:27:36] Koji: Yeah.

[00:27:36] Cat: And feel free to cut whatever of this. So parhelia are optical illusions caused by sunlight reflecting through flat hexagonal ice crystals suspended in the atmosphere, and they appear as bright spots of light on either side of the sun, often at the same altitude, and can look strikingly like a second sun. They're completely natural and well documented atmospheric phenomena. Same physics that creates rainbows.

[00:27:58] Koji: That sounds like something that somebody who doesn't believe in the two sun theory would say.

[00:28:01] Cat: Mm, yeah. So here's the nemesis theory. In the 1980s, paleontologists noticed a roughly 26 million year cycle in mass extinction events in the fossil record. Physicists Richard Muller and colleagues propose that our sun might have a dim companion star dubbed nemesis, orbiting far out in the Oort Cloud. The idea was that nemesis gravitational pull would periodically disturb the Oort Cloud, sending a shower of comets toward the inner solar system, causing mass extinctions. Nemesis was theorized to either be a red dwarf or a brown dwarf too dim to easily detect with then current telescopes. Um, and then here's.

[00:28:42] Dwayne: That may have killed the dinosaurs. I think they.

[00:28:44] Koji: Well, they're saying every 26 million years that there's this mass extinction.

[00:28:47] Cat: So NASA's wise mission and the end of the nemesis theory, uh, the mission was perfectly suited to find a brown dwarf companion, since brown dwarfs emit mostly infrared light. Uh, a comprehensive all-sky survey wise, found no evidence of a nemesis type object anywhere in the expected range. A 2014 study confirmed this, ruling out a Saturn sized object out to 10,000 A.U. in a Jupiter sized object out to 26AU.

[00:29:16] Dwayne: So they couldn't find it. It's like when the NBA investigated their own referees and said, nah, they're good.

[00:29:26] Cat: Now that we've reviewed the evidence and talked to Claude, let's give our theories. But my theory is that it's the Nordic aliens somehow. I think that the Nordic aliens made a second sun because they're in a rivalry with the Asian gray aliens, and they're like, well, look what we can do. You guys made rainbows.

[00:29:47] Dwayne: They made a second sun.

[00:29:49] Ron: Mhm.

[00:29:49] Cat: And it's really a competition between the aliens.

[00:29:52] Koji: It's funny that the Nordics are always seen as, like, good aliens. And nice and friendly and wanting to save the people that have been.

[00:29:58] Cat: Are you saying that just because I said that the gray aliens made rainbows and rainbows are gay. Why are you saying no?

[00:30:04] Koji: So my theory is that you would think that there was only one sun. And I would think that. But then now with Maga and everything that's happening in the world, in our country, my country, and where they see things that are clearly crazy, like, for example, our president is religious like, and he's definitely not religious. We see him like he they think he's like a good guy and all these crazy things. And they look at things and they like, see the complete opposite for me. Now I've basically decided that everything I see is false and that they're seeing like they're on a different wavelength than me. So if they say that their second sun, then there's got to be a second sun because I'm just missing it all.

[00:30:45] Dwayne: So if who says it? Who? I missed that part.

[00:30:47] Koji: So like I was just saying that Maga, they see so many things that are complete opposite that I don't see. So because they're seeing these things that they must be seeing the second sun and I just don't see it.

[00:30:58] Dwayne: Are they the ones pushing the second sun?

[00:30:59] Koji: I don't know. I'm just saying.

[00:31:00] Cat: I mean, they're pushing everything, pushing flat earth germs aren't real.

[00:31:04] Ron: So in their rhetoric.

[00:31:06] Dwayne: Right?

[00:31:06] Cat: Basically anything that we know to be fact that's been established by society is no longer true.

[00:31:12] Dwayne: Yeah. Right. Right. Because it's like fair and balanced. You have the wrong source. So Nordic aliens made a second sun.

[00:31:18] Cat: Yes. To compete with the grey aliens who made rainbows.

[00:31:20] Dwayne: They would have that technology. And your theory is that it must exist.

[00:31:24] Koji: Because I just don't know.

[00:31:25] Dwayne: Well, we always had two suns, you know, but the way they were situated, we didn't know. We couldn't tell. At some point, one sun died out, you know. And so now this is why, like Elon Musk wants to go to Mars. He's just sort of like he's figuring if the second sun dies out, we won't be able to live here. So why not give Mars a try because. 

[00:31:49] Koji: We wouldn't be able to live at Mars either. Though. 

[00:31:50] Dwayne: I know, I know. I know, oh.

[00:31:52] Dwayne: Well, maybe. Or maybe he thinks there's a second the second sun is going to come back. That's what it is. Here's here's what on earth is going to get swallowed up.

[00:31:58] Cat: It's not realistic.

[00:32:01] Dwayne: There's gotta be.

[00:32:02] Cat: Because there were two suns and then one sun died. Then we'd have an ice age and everybody would freeze.

[00:32:07] Dwayne: We did have an ice age.

[00:32:08] Cat: Yeah, but like recently. So you're saying.

[00:32:10] Dwayne: No, but I'm saying maybe that's when it died out.

[00:32:12] Cat: Then how did it warm back up again? Fossil fuels or like. Sorry.

[00:32:15] Dwayne: No, no, it just warmed up because like the one sun got a little brighter. Also, the earth acclimated to the one sun.

[00:32:23] Cat: So I'm gonna call your theory the the dead butt theory because it was a butt of suns. No, no. Two suns. Let's just go.

[00:32:30] Dwayne: Let's just go with one star. One sun died.

[00:32:32] Cat: Okay.

[00:32:33] Dwayne: Went out into the orbit. So it's not. It's not there anymore. It may not be dead, but it's not there anymore. But it was there. We had an ice age, and now they're sort of gaming because to me, there's. Why do you want to go to Mars? It's not it's not inhabitable. So there's got to be a reason other than vanity, I'd imagine. Not that we could live in Mars either.

[00:32:53] Koji: It's vanity.

[00:32:54] Dwayne: That's outrageous to me. So yeah, I think that, um, everyone's scrambling and some people are accelerating. Like there's these, uh, accelerationists who want, like to bring the end of the world sooner or World War three sooner or some kind of apocalyptic thing, right? As opposed to just like being like the people in Pompeii, just going out with style, just doing your laundry, and then the volcano erupts and you're just stuck there doing your laundry.

[00:33:16] Koji: I don't know if they would say that they went out with style. I think that they would say.

[00:33:19] Dwayne: They didn't know. Right. But what I'm saying is.

[00:33:21] Ron: Some woman died like this, though.

[00:33:26] Dwayne: He he struck a pose, if you didn't know.

[00:33:28] Ron: Yeah, they all were in nice poses.

[00:33:30] Dwayne: I've been there too. It's kind of cool. So anyway, I, I think that there's some Intel that the sun may be going out. The sun that's left is dying quicker and it's so similar to yours, but I think people are.

[00:33:41] Cat: Acting like, uh, Project Hail Mary.

[00:33:43] Dwayne: Kind of like that. Yes. Good movie.

[00:33:45] Cat: Topic.

[00:33:45] Koji: Book is better.

[00:33:46] Dwayne: I saw the movie already, so I'm not gonna read the book.

[00:33:48] Koji: The book is way different. It's better.

[00:33:49] Dwayne: Oh it's different. So is it a different ending?

[00:33:51] Koji: No. Yes it is.

[00:33:52] Ron: Can you put that in movie form so I can watch it?

[00:33:54] Dwayne: I can't read it. So that's my theory that the second son. There were two sons. One died out. And now we're scrambling because this. This one might die out, even though there's nothing we can do about it. It's causing people to act.

[00:34:07] Ron: Uh, my theory is, uh, there are two suns.

[00:34:11] Dwayne: I like that.

[00:34:12] Ron: And they one is coming close to the other one, which is making both making one giant heated sun, which is global warming. It's not a chemical.

[00:34:22] Dwayne: Ah, I like that.

[00:34:23] Ron: I like that that's the second sun.

[00:34:25] Koji: Oh, interesting.

[00:34:26] Ron: Because what can we really do.

[00:34:27] Dwayne: The two suns are getting closer.

[00:34:29] Ron: Yes. And they're becoming more powerful as two.

[00:34:32] Koji: What happens when they come together. Totally.

[00:34:34] Ron: Oh, we're dead.

[00:34:35] Koji: We're dead.

[00:34:35] Ron: If they touch, we're fucked. We're just. We're just looking at each other, right?

[00:34:40] Dwayne: What if they touch? But they don't look at each other in the eye.

[00:34:43] Ron: That's called prostitution. Prostitution? I never look at the prostitute.

[00:34:48] Koji: Did you know that? Did you know step siblings? That's considered incest, too.

[00:34:53] Dwayne: Yeah. Of course.

[00:34:54] Cat: I mean, legally, yeah.

[00:34:55] Koji: Like no.

[00:34:55] Dwayne: Like what? You mean like a whole, like they don't have they don't share parents at all.

[00:34:58] Koji: Yeah.

[00:34:59] Ron: And that's still incest.

[00:35:00] Koji: That's still incest.

[00:35:01] Cat: Well well.

[00:35:01] Dwayne: If they grew up together.

[00:35:03] Koji: No. But like, like, even if you were like teens, that's considered incest. In a lot of states, I guess a lot of states it's illegal.

[00:35:09] Dwayne: Have you extensively researched this?

[00:35:10] Koji: I've actually I've actually done research on incest laws in the United States. Like it depends on. Because there's some like that's first, there's few states that are first cousins. There's some second. Cousins. 

[00:35:21] Dwayne: In New York City. These these rich first cousins married. It was kind of like, like,

[00:35:24] Koji: It's not weird.

[00:35:24] Dwayne: Weird, but not that weird.

[00:35:25] Koji: In some states. Yeah. Some states like actually a lot of like the states that you would imagine first cousins being illegal.

[00:35:30] Dwayne: It's all about money. Anytime there's money involved, they, they, they find a way to make it okay.

[00:35:34] Ron: When someone's not your actual blood, when someone is your blood, you have a natural. 

[00:35:39] Cat: Aversion. Yeah, yeah.

[00:35:40] Ron: You have to get away. It just you just feel it.

[00:35:42] Dwayne: You do.

[00:35:43] Cat: You smell bad to you?

[00:35:44] Ron: Yeah. My sister smells like shit.

[00:35:45] Dwayne: Unless. Unless you didn't grow up together. Because then. Because then there's an odd.

[00:35:50] Cat: Oh, I heard about that.

[00:35:51] Dwayne: You don't realize why.

[00:35:53] Cat: And you're like, oh.

[00:35:53] Dwayne: Why are you attracted to this person?

[00:35:54] Ron: You ever met a hot cousin you've never met before? Like when I went to the Philippines the first time I met one of my cousins, I'm like, whoa. But I had no relation to her mentally.

[00:36:04] Dwayne: Right, right, right, right.

[00:36:05] Ron: Until I made out with her, I was like, this feels weird.

[00:36:09] Dwayne: That's like, like Luke and like Luke Skywalker, Luke Skywalker and like Luke and, um, Princess Leia.

[00:36:16] Koji: Oh, yeah. If you're.

[00:36:16] Ron: Not Marty McFly and his mom.

[00:36:17] Koji: If you're not, if you're not related to them, though, if you're just.

[00:36:20] Dwayne: Saying that.

[00:36:21] Koji: That's weird. That to me is the weirdest one.

[00:36:23] Ron: Well, if you're adopted and let's say you're.

[00:36:25] Koji: That would be illegal too.

[00:36:26] Ron: Okay, say we were adopted or I was adopted and you were adopted. And then we had a white family and the your sister was super hot.

[00:36:33] Koji: Yeah, that'd be illegal.

[00:36:34] Dwayne: Can't do it.

[00:36:34] Ron: Would you still be attracted to her? Because it's not blood.

[00:36:37] Cat: But I mean, you could be.

[00:36:38] Dwayne: Are you making a case for any alien. Is that.

[00:36:40] Koji: No, no, that's illegal too. That's illegal. That's illegal. Yeah. So I find it. I just find it weird that if you're, like, not actually related that way, because what they don't want is people to like hook up and like, you know, like in families.

[00:36:53] Cat: It's also possibly like a money thing.

[00:36:56] Koji: No, it's more it's more about like fam, like keeping families from like having sex with each other is the thing.

[00:37:00] Cat: That's true. Cause then you end up with like, feral people. It's really weird.

[00:37:02] Koji: You have a weird thing. But anyway.

[00:37:04] Ron: Mentally that could also mess you up.

[00:37:05] Cat: Yeah. There's like whole families that are like incest families that live in the mountains and.

[00:37:09] Dwayne: The royal family. A bit.

[00:37:10] Ron: Like crazy documentary that.

[00:37:11] Cat: Yeah, the whitakers.

[00:37:12] Ron: Whitakers. Oh my God. And the one, there's only one person that could speak and it's the female that is the matriarch, right? And she's like talking for them and they speak.

[00:37:22] Dwayne: Who has the ability to speak?

[00:37:23] Ron: Yeah, none of them. They all speak like animals.

[00:37:25] Dwayne: Because of inbreeding.

[00:37:26] Ron: Yes. They bark like the one. The one.

[00:37:28] Koji: What's your excuse, Dwayne.

[00:37:32] Cat: Wow. We got on a tangent. Um, I wanted to amend my theory. I think that the Nordics, the Nordic aliens, made a second sun, but we don't see it because of politics. Because really, they have an agenda. And the agenda is to make us fight. So they have one side that they show the conspiracies and the other side they don't show the conspiracies. So Koji, you and I.

[00:37:53] Dwayne: Actually like that.

[00:37:54] Cat: One side.

[00:37:55] Dwayne: Everyone thinks they're right.

[00:37:57] Cat: And the other side like there is a fake second son. There's not really a second son, but they make it look like a second son, and then they only show it to a.

[00:38:03] Ron: Poster like this.

[00:38:06] Cat: He's got like a light and he's shining it on a bunch of ice crystals.

[00:38:09] Dwayne: Like that, that dress that some people thought was gold and some people thought it was blue or whatever the case.

[00:38:14] Cat: Yes, but it's the aliens on purpose because they want us to fight each other, and they want us to bomb each other and for like us to end, then they can come and take the earth. But they need us to fight each other to do that.

[00:38:25] Koji: I like that.

[00:38:25] Dwayne: Can't they just come and kill us if they if they're that advanced?

[00:38:28] Cat: I mean, yeah, but what's the fun in that?

[00:38:31] Koji: It's much more fun.

[00:38:33] Ron: I'd rather take insects wings off than kill them right away.

[00:38:37] Cat: We're too strong right now. They have us. They have to have us be weakened. We can only be weakened if we all hate each other. Because a house divided cannot stand.

[00:38:45] Koji: Oh, nice.

[00:38:46] Dwayne: Nice.

[00:38:46] Ron: So you're saying that America is not standing right now?

[00:38:49] Cat: Oh, we're very weak right now.

[00:38:52] Ron: We're in a wheelchair.

[00:38:53] Cat: Yeah. So with that, you guys, it's time for us to pick the unofficial official story. So which theory are we going with and why is it mine?

[00:39:02] Koji: Well, I feel like we made a connection here.

[00:39:04] Cat: Yeah, I feel like our melded.

[00:39:06] Koji: Yeah.

[00:39:06] Cat: So a vote for ours.

[00:39:07] Koji: I vote for ours.

[00:39:08] Cat: Yes.

[00:39:08] Dwayne: How was it yours? Now, you said Maga must be right.

[00:39:11] Koji: Well, the conspiracy.

[00:39:12] Dwayne: Because basically her conspiracy theory.

[00:39:15] Cat: Merged into his. Yes.

[00:39:16] Ron: You're saying the same thing without saying the word Maga.

[00:39:18] Cat: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:39:20] Dwayne: But she's explaining why Maga would think that.

[00:39:22] Cat: And why they think aliens.

[00:39:23] Koji: Yes. So we're on the same page. That's two for us.

[00:39:26] Cat: Mhm. And it's the Nordic aliens because they're racist. Okay.

[00:39:28] Ron: That's right.

[00:39:29] Dwayne: I thought they were. Oh, they were only portrayed as being, uh, like, benevolent.

[00:39:33] Koji: Yeah. They're always portrayed as being really good because. Because they're tall, Nordic looking.

[00:39:37] Dwayne: Right, right, right, right. Well, I mean, I like Rons a lot, but I do like this anytime you can explain a conspiracy and basically people who think it aren't crazy, and also people who don't think it are also not crazy because, you know, crazies and eye of the beholder. So I'm going to go with Cat's theory. I'm not going to say it's your theory.

[00:39:59] Koji: Wait, wait. No, that's not how it works. You have to say Koji too.

[00:40:02] Cat: You could say Koji too. It's okay.

[00:40:04] Dwayne: Okay.

[00:40:04] Cat: It's a partnership. 

[00:40:05] Dwayne: Cat And Koji's theory.

[00:40:06] Koji: All right. There you go.

[00:40:07] Dwayne: Yes. I mean, it's kind of settled, but you still get a vote, right?

[00:40:10] Ron: Oh, yeah. Can I vote for myself?

[00:40:13] Koji: You could vote.

[00:40:13] Dwayne: Absolutely. Yeah. Yours is yours.

[00:40:17] Koji: But we won.

[00:40:18] Cat: I do think somebody is trying to fuck with the country.

[00:40:22] Ron: Potential to be a great movie compared to mine.

[00:40:24] Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[00:40:25] Ron: And I like the ideas.

[00:40:28] Dwayne: Also, if we're living in a simulation that then that could totally be true.

[00:40:32] Cat: I mean.

[00:40:33] Ron: I was stuck in VR for 45, 45 hours.

[00:40:37] Cat: Oh, no.

[00:40:37] Ron: No.

[00:40:38] Dwayne: What? Take the helmet off.

[00:40:40] Ron: Well. A lot of people would rather be in VR than be in life. 

[00:40:45] Dwayne: Like inception.

[00:40:46] Ron: Yeah, there's a lot of people that are stuck in their homes just living in a VR life.

[00:40:50] Cat: Ooh.

[00:40:51] Koji: And that's the official story.

[00:40:53] Ron: One day they're just going to pick your year so you can live there.

[00:40:56] Koji: That's nice. I'd rather do that.

[00:40:57] Ron: 1992. That was a great year.

[00:40:59] Dwayne: It's Karl Kanai  out yet?

[00:41:00] Ron: Yes it was.

[00:41:01] Dwayne: Oh, cool.

[00:41:02] Koji: Tupac. Tupac is still alive.

[00:41:04] Dwayne: Karl Kanai

[00:41:04] Koji: Pac is alive. Biggie is alive.

[00:41:06] Dwayne: You gotta come. You gotta go to. When Tupac made the second album, because that was like his New York kind of album, All Eyez.

[00:41:13] Koji: Not all Eyez.

[00:41:14] Dwayne: Not me against the world. Yeah. Me against the world. Yeah, that's a dope album. But that's. He's talking New York stuff, that whole album.

[00:41:19] Cat: I think this episode is the one we've gone on the most tangent of all episodes.

[00:41:26] Ron: The first time this seems normal.

[00:41:28] Dwayne: Well, you know what? It is true. Um, they say that when the two suns get closer together, it's kind of hard to keep your thoughts in order. So, you know, they say Mars is in retrograde. We got to start a new thing. Like if things are going off, the suns are together. You know that. I think that's what's going on.

[00:41:43] Cat: Okay.

[00:41:51] Koji: We've spent the whole episode talking about NASA hiding stars and giant space flashlights, but sometimes the official science is weirder than the theories. I want to play a quick game. What is a scientific fact? That sounds like a total conspiracy theory, but you're 100% convinced it's actually real. For example, did you know that sharks are technically older than trees or that the sun actually makes a sound, but we just can't hear it because sound doesn't travel through a vacuum? Do you guys have any scientific theories of sound fake?

[00:42:19] Dwayne: I know this is I don't know if this is that bizarre, but, uh, zebras cannot be tamed.

[00:42:23] Koji: Oh, yeah, I like that one.

[00:42:24] Dwayne: Yeah, but, I mean, they look like horses, right? They just. But like a horse, you can sort of like.

[00:42:30] Ron: For sure.

[00:42:31] Dwayne: You can get a horse. 20 minutes later, you're like, yeah, riding it around zebras like, nah, bro.

[00:42:35] Ron: I never know. I could never do that.

[00:42:37] Dwayne: Yeah yeah yeah.

[00:42:39] Ron: Yeah. That's that's 100% true. I've never seen anybody ride a zebra.

[00:42:44] Koji: Yeah. You can't ride a zebra unless it's like those fake zebras that like Mexican.

[00:42:48] Dwayne: You can paint a horse. Yeah, but you can't.

[00:42:49] Koji: Donkey.

[00:42:50] Ron: Donkey.

[00:42:51] Koji: Wow. They used to have that at um. They used to have that at, uh, what's the.

[00:42:55] Dwayne: Tijuana.

[00:42:55] Koji: Olvera Street.

[00:42:56] Dwayne: Oh. Get out. Down right down there.

[00:42:57] Koji: When I was a kid, they had it like I thought it was a zebra for a really long time until you find out that it was just a donkey.

[00:43:02] Ron: Right.

[00:43:04] Cat: Okay, I have a thought. I have one, um, this is from Claude. Um, it says. If so, you know how, like in an atom, there's a lot of empty space, and it's just like the electrons floating around and stuff. It says if you removed all the empty space from atoms in the human body, then all of humanity would fit into a sugar cube.

[00:43:23] Ron: Mhm. Wow. So much space. Yeah. For sure.

[00:43:27] Cat: I believe condensed it all.

[00:43:28] Ron: Yeah.

[00:43:29] Cat: Because we're just space and energy.

[00:43:31] Dwayne: We're all energy.

[00:43:31] Cat: Buzzing.

[00:43:32] Dwayne: Yeah. So matter is really just energy.

[00:43:34] Cat: It's just space. We don't. We're not real, you guys.

[00:43:37] Ron: I like it, right? Oh, what is the question again? Sorry.

[00:43:42] Cat: What's, uh, what's a fact? That sounds like a conspiracy theory, but you're 100% convinced is actually real. And this one is actually real. Real?

[00:43:50] Ron: So a something that is a fact, that is it's conspiracy.

[00:43:57] Dwayne: That sounds like it sounds like.

[00:43:58] Ron: It sounds like a.

[00:43:59] Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:43:59] Koji: But it's actually factually true. Here's mine is that race is a social construct. People think that people of different races are so different. But in reality, if that was the case, we wouldn't be able to mate. Like in reality, race is like something that we created, right? And the fact that we could still mate with each other means that we're like.

[00:44:16] Dwayne: Absolutely.

[00:44:17] Koji: Super, like 99.9%, like exactly the same.

[00:44:20] Dwayne: We can't even mate with with like chimpanzees or something. Yeah, yeah. Like a bee can't get a pit bull pregnant.

[00:44:26] Koji: So like, so this idea of like, black people are different than Asians or white are different than whoever is.

[00:44:32] Dwayne: It wouldn't, it wouldn't work. 

[00:44:34] Koji: Because in reality, we're almost identical.

[00:44:36] Cat: Teeny, teeny tiny difference.

[00:44:37] Koji: It's only like it's only like outwardly expressing.

[00:44:40] Cat: It's like, oh, melanin.

[00:44:41] Ron: I believe all ligers are fake.

[00:44:45] Koji: That's random. Do you think about ligers?

[00:44:47] Ron: Pictures of ligers. Oh, like this is impossible.

[00:44:51] Dwayne: That that can that can exist. yeah. I think that can exist.

[00:44:54] Ron: But they're all of them are 18ft tall.

[00:44:56] Dwayne: Right, right, right.

[00:44:58] Ron: 2,000  pounds.

[00:44:59] Dwayne: Right. But they. But they can mate, you know, here's another one. It's we know it's true, but it seems crazy because especially our history and how it's taught. But like Polynesians went to Hawaii first, maybe even before maybe, I don't know the timing, but they definitely went to Hawaii first. Maybe they went to Hawaii before Columbus went to the Americas. And like.

[00:45:24] Cat: And then from Hawaii went to the U.S..

[00:45:26] Dwayne: They would go back and forth from Polynesia to Hawaii.

[00:45:29] Koji: To Vegas.

[00:45:33] Dwayne: And that's a far that's a far distance. That's a massive distance to go.

[00:45:38] Ron: Yeah.

[00:45:38] Dwayne: And especially like I don't I don't think they went in these massive boats. It's like kind of like. 

[00:45:43] Koji: The canoes.

[00:45:43] Ron: It was a canoe. And I was to.

[00:45:45] Dwayne: Canoe from Polynesia to Hawaii.

[00:45:47] Cat: That's insane.

[00:45:48] Ron: A lot of small people died and that's why they're big.

[00:45:51] Dwayne: Oh I see.

[00:45:52] Ron: Could not eat.

[00:45:53] Dwayne: Right. That's right. That is absolutely right.

[00:45:55] Ron: So and here's the.

[00:45:56] Dwayne: So that's what created like Polynesians. Yeah yeah yeah. Right.

[00:45:59] Ron: I was talking to a Samoan kid who thought I was in his classroom for some reason. I was a 30. I was 35 swimming in a beach in Hawaii. Some Samoan goes beside me was like, yo, bro, what's what's do for math tomorrow? I'm like, what? We go on the shore taller than me, obviously bigger. He thought it was one of his friends.

[00:46:16] Dwayne: That's crazy.

[00:46:17] Ron: Yeah. And so anyways, I was like, why are you Samoan so big? And this is exactly what I said. Oh, my grandpa told me that in back in the day, all the people that from, uh, Australia came or it'd be Micronesia, I guess.

[00:46:30] Dwayne: Right, right, right.

[00:46:30] Ron: Came in and the small people, they couldn't.

[00:46:34] Dwayne: They didn't have enough fat. Fat. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

[00:46:36] Ron: And all the big people made it. And I'm like, that could be true.

[00:46:40] Cat: But don't big people need more food?

[00:46:44] Ron: I think.

[00:46:44] Cat: Cause they're bigger. Oh, they.

[00:46:46] Dwayne: No, but they also have.

[00:46:47] Ron: I mean.

[00:46:48] Dwayne: Fat is, uh, energy. So they have more energy.

[00:46:50] Cat: So if they like held on the. Yes, blubber.

[00:46:53] Ron: Or maybe they ate all the food and they didn't give certain people that were too small. I don't know, like the bigger guys beat up the smaller guys and that's why they're all big. I've never met a small Samoan. Even even the little Samoan. Little people. Samoans are big.

[00:47:06] Cat: But what about, like, Hawaiian people?

[00:47:07] Ron: Like they're skinny and tall.

[00:47:09] Cat: They're skinny and tall.

[00:47:09] Ron: Real Hawaiians. And there's only 2% in Hawaii. That's real Hawaiian.

[00:47:13] Koji: Like the indigenous.

[00:47:14] Ron: Yeah. You have to go to an island that's. We're not allowed to go there. You have to be a really indigenous, Hawaiian, indigenous, Hawaiian born and raised. They finally brought a camera there and they're all like six two Thin faces and they look like Native Americans.

[00:47:31] Cat: That doesn't surprise me at all. Well, yeah, that's my theory is that they came from like the Polynesia take the boats to Hawaii and from Hawaii took the boats to the US.

[00:47:42] Ron: Right.

[00:47:42] Cat: Okay. That's really. Yeah. Cause then and then from there, everybody populates. And then you also get people from the Bering Strait over there. So you get a little bit of both.

[00:47:51] Ron: I also believe that Wenby is AI. I don't believe anything. When I see Wenby, I go, that's not that's an AI. You know my AI videos I show you.

[00:47:57] Dwayne: Yeah, yeah.

[00:47:58] Ron: I believe that's AI.

[00:48:00] Dwayne: Wenby's a cheat code.

[00:48:02] Ron: There's something weird about this alien.

[00:48:04] Dwayne: And and this is the first time in history they lie about the height the other way. I know because most guys are like six, four super athletic. They'll say he's six six.

[00:48:12] Ron: He's 7 8 right now.

[00:48:14] Dwayne: Yeah. He's really like.

[00:48:15] Cat: Oh, is this a basketball player?

[00:48:16] Ron: Yeah. But he's growing two inches a year.

[00:48:17] Dwayne: They're saying he's seven three, but he's more like seven six. Right?

[00:48:20] Koji: Yeah, yeah. I have a theory.

[00:48:22] Cat: He's a grown person. He's an adult.

[00:48:24] Ron: He's the cheat code. Nobody can stop him.

[00:48:26] Dwayne: He's like 19.

[00:48:27] Ron: He's so tall. That it doesn't matter if you throw it. He'll block it. You can't do anything.

[00:48:32] Dwayne: But he also can move. He moves like he moves.

[00:48:36] Ron: Yeah, like when I watch it, I'm like. There's no way that a man that tall can move that fast and that dexterous and amber. I mean, uh, limber. I was like. How the fuck does this guy jump in 360 stuff?

[00:48:48] Dwayne: Thank you. Guest. I'm sorry. Thank you. Ron. Tell us. Tell us where people can follow you.

[00:48:55] Ron: Follow me on IG. I don't care about anything else. At Ron Josol one and that's it.

[00:49:01] Koji: When's your next show?

[00:49:02] Ron: I have, uh, laughs unlimited in last week of May.

[00:49:07] Dwayne: in Sacramento.

[00:49:08] Ron: Sacramento.

[00:49:09] Cat: I actually have stuff coming up you guys. I'm going to be in Denver the first week of June for the Denver Fringe Festival. So look for my show Tradwife. I don't know the exact days or the venue yet, but just look for it if you're in Denver. And then also I'm going to be doing Hollywood Fringe festival throughout June. Um, yeah. Follow me on Instagram and I'll post my dates and then you'll know when the show is and where.

[00:49:32] Koji: Follow me on my OnlyFans page. Koji. Sexy feet.

[00:49:37] Dwayne: Oh, nice. Nice. Well, most of my shows are cruise ships, but. So if you happen to be on a Norwegian cruise ship

[00:49:45] Ron: How many as an average? How many weeks a month do you do in a year? Do you do every month?

[00:49:50] Dwayne: Well, like I haven't done one since January. No, I cap it at like 15 weeks.

[00:49:54] Ron: Oh, 15 weeks a year.

[00:49:55] Dwayne: Yeah. And I'll go up to 20, but not more than that. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, so I have shows in Arizona. Chris Bennett is the guy. He has, um, shows 21st and 22nd of August in Arizona. And, uh, just look up Chris Bennett and my name and those shows will come up if you are interested, if you're in the area and if you want to come.

[00:50:17] Koji: Nice.

[00:50:17] Dwayne: Yes.

[00:50:18] Cat: All right. Well, we truly appreciate your support as we start season six. Your curiosity makes this podcast a joy to create.

[00:50:26] Dwayne: Stay tuned for more intriguing stories and remember to share, subscribe, and leave a review.

[00:50:31] Koji: We're staying monthly this season, so we'll see you in June for our next mystery. Does Bill gates want to destroy the cattle industry? That's super random.

[00:50:39] Cat: Mhm. Okay.

[00:50:40] Dwayne: I thought he was killing African babies. He moved on.

[00:50:43] Cat: I mean, Bill gates is, uh, the problem with everything.

[00:50:47] Koji: Yes. He is. Until next time.

[00:50:49] Ron: To the 19th, uh, position in billionaires.

[00:50:52] Koji: Is He? 

[00:50:53] Ron: From one to 19, he's losing it.

[00:50:55] Dwayne: That's that's horrible. Just kill yourself, Bill gates.

[00:50:59] Ron: Elon Musk is going to be the first trillionaire. In a few years.

[00:51:03] Cat: Well, you know what? The dollar's going to collapse anyway, so we're fine.

[00:51:08] Koji: Until next time, keep wondering and stay unofficially official. Bye, everybody.

[00:51:13] Dwayne: Bye.

[00:51:13] Ron: Thanks.