s5E4 Were the Roswell Aliens really special needs Soviet children

Koji: [00:00:00] Who is the most likely to be abducted by an alien?

Cat: [00:00:03] Honestly, Koji. It's you.

Koji: [00:00:04] What? No, no, no.

Cat: [00:00:05] They want their family member.

Dwayne: [00:00:07] Right? Well, that's the thing. I think it would be Koji, except he's a little thirsty. You know what I mean? And they'd be like, okay, so.

Koji: [00:00:17] I was gonna say Dwayne.

Dwayne: [00:00:18] I'm thinking me. I don't know if I'd be appreciative enough, so I'm gonna say Kat only because, like, she's a skeptic, but willing to have her mind changed. Yeah, I don't think her mind would be more blown, whereas me, like, I'm just gonna freak out, and then...

Koji: [00:00:32] I think they'll get they'll have fun with the freaking out part.

Dwayne: [00:00:36] I'm not sure if I can tell-

Cat: [00:00:36] They're trolls. They're like, look at him. He's--he's scared. Right, right.

Dwayne: [00:00:42] Then I can't tell people because then if people don't believe me...

Koji: [00:00:45] They'll think you're crazy.

Dwayne: [00:00:45] Right. Then I'm gonna get mad, and then they're gonna think I'm really crazy, you know? Kick him in the head.

Dwayne: [00:00:51] Yeah, exactly.

Koji: [00:00:52] And then you go to jail, and you're just an angry black man then, right?

Dwayne: [00:00:55] But then in jail, I'll meet other guys who were like, aliens.

Cat: [00:01:00] So how would I react if I got abducted by an alien? I would be terrified. I would also be very observant. I'd be like, take me back home. And then at some point I'd be like, you know what? The best way for them to take me home is to start praying. Out loud. And I would do, like, an exorcism, but not on purpose, more just to annoy them. So they take me home.

Dwayne: [00:01:18] If you if you got over your fear and was able to talk to them, you might say, now you guys are pretty advanced, right? They'd say, yeah, we came here. Can you plant ideas? And they'd say, yeah. And then you'd say, my ex-boyfriend.

Cat: [00:01:32] See, I thought you were gonna say House Republicans or, like, Donald Trump. But that's how you know I'm cured, you guys. I wasn't thinking my ex-boyfriend, I was thinking politics. Sweet.

Koji: [00:01:44] Well, that might be worse. It's more fun when it was ex boyfriend.

Cat: [00:01:47] Oh, no.

Koji: [00:01:48] Right now it's like, uh. Yeah, but she's now thinking of things that can--

Cat: [00:01:50] This podcast won't be as fun.

Koji: [00:01:51] Things that can help everyone, right?

Cat: [00:01:52] Right?

Cat: [00:01:54] Not just myself. See, I'm not a narcissist anymore. Okay? Welcome to the Unofficial Official Story podcast. This is episode four of season five. Join us as we dive into the quirky, mysterious and bizarre. From unsolved mysteries to peculiar pop culture phenomena. We uncover hidden stories and explore alternate realities. My name is Kat and my last name is Meow Wolf because I went to that museum last week and it was a trip.

Koji: [00:02:29] I'm Koji, who believes in aliens but probably would never be abducted by one.

Dwayne: [00:02:32] It's pretty long last name.

Koji: [00:02:33] That is.

Dwayne: [00:02:34] Not going to fit into those forms. And, um, I'm going with, uh, Dwayne Stalin because I think, yeah, I think Stalin is, uh, I think the person they said who if it's the Soviet angle, he was the head of that. So, yeah. Dwayne Stalin.

Cat: [00:02:47] Okay.

Dwayne: [00:02:47] And the name Stalin just invokes fear, which is...

Koji: [00:02:50] Which he likes.

Dwayne: [00:02:50] Like, I'm going for, yeah.

Koji: [00:02:52] Being that it is July, we happened upon the anniversary of the Roswell incident that occurred many decades ago with a very interesting question. Were the Roswell aliens really special needs Soviet children? That's messed up, by the way.

Cat: [00:03:03] Super messed up.

Dwayne: [00:03:04] But as messed up as it is, it's not as messed up as the alternative.

Koji: [00:03:08] That's true.

Dwayne: [00:03:08] Which we'll get to.

Koji: [00:03:09] True. Yes. And this month we don't have a guest.

Cat: [00:03:12] We don't.

Koji: [00:03:13] Because I have to go to a baseball tournament in Hawaii, and we had to record this earlier than we thought. Here's the official story. In July of 1947, in Roswell, New Mexico, one of America's most intriguing alien sightings occurred at a ranch.

Dwayne: [00:03:26] Rancher W.W. Mac Brazel was the owner of the ranch that found the wreckage, which included rubber strips, tinfoil, and thick paper, which sounds like someone was just doing a--

Cat: [00:03:37] Right? 

Dwayne: [00:03:37] --a book assignment. But. Making the capital of Utah a Salt Lake city. So when he brought it over to the sheriff, the sheriff contacted the commanding officer of the Roswell Army Airfield. Based on the statement declaring the wreckage to be an alien aircraft, some sort of flying saucer.

Koji: [00:03:56] By the way, we were mentioning before we started that Roswell is like the place I want to go more than anywhere in the world. And I've made three different reservations at three different hotels at three different times, and I've never made it there.

Dwayne: [00:04:06] See, that's the thirstiness that I'm talking about.

Koji: [00:04:10] And the last time I was super sad, which is, uh...

Cat: [00:04:13] I thought, thirsty. I thought you meant he was gonna hit on the aliens. Do you mean he just wants it too much?

Dwayne: [00:04:17] Right, right. Right, right.

Koji: [00:04:18] No, no, no, no.

Cat: [00:04:19] He's married. Good God.

Dwayne: [00:04:21] Not in that sense. Yeah, in the sense that he. He wants to sort of powwow with them. Not not like, get with them.

Koji: [00:04:27] Although, to be fair, it's not cheating if it's a different species or the same sex. I think that's the rule.

Cat: [00:04:33] Okay. Interesting. Honestly, my. I was really just picturing you slapping them all on a butt. Just harassing the aliens. Yeah, they wouldn't want that.

Dwayne: [00:04:44] And that's also not cheating. What if they don't have a physical form?

Koji: [00:04:47] That's true.

Dwayne: [00:04:48] And it's just sort of.

Cat: [00:04:49] Like then it's--it's emotional cheating.

Dwayne: [00:04:51] Right. Right.

Cat: [00:04:53] The Roswell Daily ran a story about the alien wreckage and included witnesses claiming sightings of alien bodies as well. Later, the government reversed a claim about the aliens and stated that the wreckage was just a weather balloon. Yet in 1994, the government admitted that the weather balloon story was false. The wreckage instead supposedly came from a spy device that was considered classified back in the 1940s. Project Mogul. The reason for the classification was to hover over the USSR and detect sound waves.

Koji: [00:05:26] Some years after the government claimed the wreckage to be materials from a spy balloon, the US Air Force published Roswell report Case Closed, which explained how the Roswell incident had nothing to do with aliens. In the statements, the alien bodies were described to have just been parachute crash test dummies, a severely injured airmen parachute and charred bodies from an airplane crash in the 1950s. They were all consolidated as one event by witnesses. How do people--like that's crazy ideas that they're putting out there. I mean, even if, if it wasn't true, if it's not aliens, like, how would people like mistake dummies for--

Cat: [00:05:57] Well--

Dwayne: [00:05:57] I mean, we're not gonna to go that close.

Cat: [00:05:59] But the thing is, like, if you watch the crash test, dummy things of cars, it's not like they're covered in skin-like leather with gooey--

Koji: [00:06:06] Yeah, they don't look real, yeah.

Cat: [00:06:06] Yeah, they're like hard. They're plastic and they're disjointed. Like, it's very clear what they are.

Dwayne: [00:06:12] But from far away and under a certain amount of stress.

Cat: [00:06:15] I don't think these people saw it from far away.

Koji: [00:06:17] I think they were right there. They even took the material and took it home and stuff. So they're right there.

Dwayne: [00:06:21] But I think there's more than one event. So like are the other people reporting it also up close?

Cat: [00:06:26] Yeah. Of else, how would you know what it was?

Dwayne: [00:06:29] Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't touch a dead body. Okay. Once I was, um, on the, I want to say the five. Like, where the where the 118 meets the five somewhere around there.

Koji: [00:06:37] Valencia. Like up that way?

Dwayne: [00:06:39] Yeah. But like above that. Right. Oh, no. Yeah. Around Valencia. Excuse me. And so when I say I was coming from the 118, anyway, it was just like where one highway sort of veers into another. And that's a big thing in California. And I saw what appeared to be a naked woman. Or it was either that or like a dummy.

Koji: [00:06:57] I can't wait to find out where this story is going.

Dwayne: [00:06:59] No. It's really--

Cat: [00:07:00] It's a corpse.

Dwayne: [00:07:01] It was. It was on the highway a naked--And I had a friend with me in the car, and I was like, did you see that? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, I think that was a naked woman. Now, it could have been a dummy, but we were going so fast and we were in the car. Call 911. Tell them, hey, I, I'm not sure there's something on the highway. And, you know, they don't call you back and tell you what it was. I'm open. It wasn't a naked woman.

Koji: [00:07:19] This is funny because you know how I give advice to my students every class? One of the pieces of advice is it's never a mannequin. Yeah, because.

Cat: [00:07:25] I've heard that.

Koji: [00:07:26] Have you ever seen a true crime? People always look like they're walking into a culvert and they're like, oh, we're walking. We saw a mannequin. And. And then it turned out to be a dead body. I'm like.

Cat: [00:07:33] Why would there be a mannequin?

Koji: [00:07:35] That's a dead body? Like.

Cat: [00:07:37] Like who's carrying the mannequins around while they hike. Like is it. Do we do we picture, like, a giant, like, truck full of mannequins, but not like a closed truck? Like an open ceiling truck. And then there has to be a strong wind, and the truck just blows the mannequins into the ditch.

Koji: [00:07:52] Yeah.

Cat: [00:07:53] What? None of us makes sense.

Dwayne: [00:07:55] I mean, this was the highway.

Koji: [00:07:56] So it could have fallen.

Cat: [00:07:57] That actually--

Dwayne: [00:07:58] Has been moving.

Koji: [00:07:59] But it probably wasn't a mannequin. It's probably a person. Why?

Cat: [00:08:01] Because if you're transporting mannequins, why would it be in an open air truck?

Dwayne: [00:08:04] That wasn't the place to stop, it was a highway. It was like the interchange, but, like-

Koji: [00:08:07] You could stop and turn around.

Dwayne: [00:08:08] No, no, no, it's one way.

Cat: [00:08:09] Yeah, because it's the highway. It's the freeway.

Dwayne: [00:08:11] And also there's no shoulder, at that point-

Cat: [00:08:13] You would take an exit and then loop back around and then drive past again.

Dwayne: [00:08:16] I wanted to just not really know. I wanted to do this. I did--I did my part in this, you know.

Koji: [00:08:22] If there's an accident in front of you, stop and help the people. If there's like a big accident or do you just keep driving?

Dwayne: [00:08:27] First, first, first, first person. Yeah, it might help. Like, I saw a motorcycle hit another car once. I think he was okay, but it was. It was crazy, like right in front of me. So we all stopped. I didn't take lead, but I did get out and we, you know.

Koji: [00:08:39] You're like, are you are you gonna go?

Dwayne: [00:08:41] But but with that said, I'm, I'm, I love people. I'm not like callous or anything, but when people try to like, you know, pull out my heart strings and or make me feel guilty or make just whatever that thing is, and I think I'm super human. We'll get to that later. But when people do that, I always tell them, hey, man, I can watch you die and eat a burger. So just know that that's who I am. I'm not even sure if that's true. I've never done that, obviously, but I don't want them to know, like, don't try to manipulate.

Koji: [00:09:04] Yeah, there's there's always car accidents on the street up here because there's like, so many people that drive so fast. And then there's always like big accidents. And so my wife will always. She always makes fun of me because all of a sudden you hear this big crash, and then you'll hear me. You'll see me running from here like she'll see me run by the window. And I'll go help people.

Dwayne: [00:09:19] Is that right?

Koji: [00:09:20] Yeah, the last time.

Dwayne: [00:09:20] That's pretty good.

Koji: [00:09:21] Yeah. Last time it was a pregnant lady and she just crashed into my neighbor's house. So, you know, you know, I had the big wall. The reason we put a big wall is there because there's crashes constantly on the street. And so, like, it crashed into somebody in one of my neighbor's house, and there's this pregnant lady, and her whole car went into the person's house, and then I helped her out, and I gave her I got her shoes, and I was, like, helping her. And then they had dogs in there. And then I was trying to get the dog out of there.

Dwayne: [00:09:42] Were they home?

Koji: [00:09:43] Uh, I don't know. I don't I don't remember if they're home or not, but then they, um. And then the dog bit me, which I was angry about. But it was a little dog, and I think I was scared because it was like everything was crushed around us. I was trying to get the dog, but it was fine. It was just a little bite. But it happens all the time here. So I would go. I think it's fun. And then it was the best part was one of my neighbors. She thinks I'm really nosy, which I am. And she, she's like taking pictures of me helping somebody.

Dwayne: [00:10:05] Is that right?

Koji: [00:10:06] Because like--

Dwayne: [00:10:07] So you might be in, like, in the, can I say the town you live in?

Koji: [00:10:10] Yeah. South Pasadena.

Dwayne: [00:10:11] Yeah. You might be in the South Pasadena Gazette or something like that.

Cat: [00:10:13] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:10:15] Some skeptics believe the government's interference was just a cover story. Donald Schmitt, a UFO researcher, argued that a UFO cover story would draw more attention to such a classified project.

Koji: [00:10:27] That's a good point.

Dwayne: [00:10:28] So, wait, so the point he's saying is that if it's like you usually don't cover something up.

Koji: [00:10:33] With something that would make more publicity for the thing that you're trying to hide.

Dwayne: [00:10:37] So the fact that they let it be a UFO thing is indication that it is.

Koji: [00:10:41] That it actually was a UFO.

Dwayne: [00:10:42] They usually would say it's this other thing.

Koji: [00:10:44] Yeah, but if the cover story is a UFO story about something that wasn't a UFO, then they're bringing more attention to something that wouldn't cause any kind of.

Dwayne: [00:10:52] I see.

Cat: [00:10:52] What what would they have said otherwise besides UFO or...

Koji: [00:10:55] Weather. Weather balloon.

Dwayne: [00:10:57] Weather balloon.

Cat: [00:10:57] So it wasn't weather balloon. It was the spy thing. So, yeah, they should have said weather balloon.

Dwayne: [00:11:02] They said weather balloon.

Koji: [00:11:03] But after it already come out that it was a UFO.

Dwayne: [00:11:05] But they kind of let people think UFO.

Koji: [00:11:07] Correct.

Dwayne: [00:11:07] And when they could have just said we were testing something. Yeah. And it's not like people were gonna be like, well, what the hell are you testing?

Koji: [00:11:13] Yeah. Especially back then, people were more trusting of the government.

Dwayne: [00:11:16] That's true. That's true.

Cat: [00:11:16] As time went on, some theories were speculated, like the involvement of the Soviet Union. An anonymous source from Area 51 claimed Joseph Stalin recruited Josef Mengele to surgically or biologically deform children. The speculated scheme was that the children would then be deployed on aircraft over New Mexico. Witnessing children climbing out, people would spread fear of what they believed to be aliens.

Koji: [00:11:39] I just think it's funny that this is like the like, what's the role that the moment you bring up Nazis, your argument is over. Mhm. Right. This is like the Nazi like right when the Nazi argument came out.

Dwayne: [00:11:48] I know, but this is also right around the time where governments were scrambling to like get Nazi scientists. That's true. Right. So, like, everyone had to have a few.

Cat: [00:11:59] Oh, no. Oh, no. Europeans are scrambling to get US scientists. That's not a good sign.

Koji: [00:12:05] No, no, no, but this was the Nazis after the war. They were like a lot of Nazis. Like they came here to. They worked on the, um.

Cat: [00:12:11] Oh, the Manhattan Project and project and stuff.

Koji: [00:12:13] But also, like, our rocket program was basically the Nazis.

Cat: [00:12:15] Yeah. I also heard a lot of our medical, uh, all the things that they based modern medicine on are unfortunately from, like, Nazi experiments.

Dwayne: [00:12:24] Yeah. But the thing that really kind of bums me out about that is that why would you have to alter the children, like, you could put them in some sort of uniform or just let them be children, and people would be like, aliens are like children. Like it's.

Koji: [00:12:38] But it's more scary if they look deformed.

Cat: [00:12:40] Yeah, but, like, how would you deform them and have them be okay? Because any kind of you have a surgery, like even plastic surgery takes like weeks and weeks for them to get better and imagine, like doing that much surgery on people, they would end up like dead and then they just have dead people.

Dwayne: [00:12:55] Just cut their hair off and then.

Cat: [00:12:56] Put a mask on them.

Dwayne: [00:12:58] Alter their face.

Koji: [00:12:58] What if they made it, like, smile and they made them, like, have a big smile? That would be scary.

Cat: [00:13:01] But what I will say about Joseph Stalin is he did like, cut off grain and food to a whole portion of the Soviet Union, which I believe is like Ukraine.

Koji: [00:13:10] I mean, he killed more people than Hitler. He wasn't a good person.

Cat: [00:13:12] He would not hesitate to deform a bunch of people.

Dwayne: [00:13:14] Did he kill more people than Mao? Do you think Mao killed a lot of people?

Koji: [00:13:17] I think Stalin killed more people.

Cat: [00:13:18] Oh, yeah.

Cat: [00:13:18] But can I tell you a funny story? A Stalin story? So this is funny. So when he was convinced that Hitler would not invade, right? After they made the deal during World War Two. And so when Hitler invaded. Right. And when he came east, he was, like, devastated for two days. Like, he just didn't like all his generals. All his advisors were like, told you so. Hitler is gonna invade, Hitler's gonna invade. So the reason he didn't do anything for two days was because he assumed that somebody was gonna kill him, because all he could think was if it was me and the leader...

Cat: [00:13:49] Kill me.

Koji: [00:13:49] Yeah, the leader, like, just fucked up that bad. I would kill that guy. And so he just, like, sat around being like, who's gonna kill me? And then when nobody did, he just kept going, right?

Dwayne: [00:13:57] But then that probably made him even worse.

Koji: [00:13:59] I mean, he was really terrible, but it was it made him worse, for sure.

Dwayne: [00:14:02] In 1938, the world saw the broadcast War of the Worlds by Orson Welles, which was an adaptation of an HG Wells novel. Mass hysteria spread amongst listeners as they came to believe the detailed alien invasion depicted in the broadcast. The theory surrounding the Roswell incident was that Stalin aimed to replicate the chaos and cause panic, thereby exploit--exploiting it to his advantage against the US. The subsequent actions of the US government were to cover up the gruesome Soviet program.

Koji: [00:14:31] All right. It's time to put our thinking caps on. Were the Roswell aliens really special needs Soviet children or biologically deformed Soviet children? When we return, we'll settle this once and for all and figure out what really maybe happened.

Cat: [00:14:45] Now that we've reviewed the evidence, let's give our theories.

Koji: [00:14:48] All right, I'll go first. The theory is close, but it's not completely right. It's not Soviet children. They're Japanese children from the World War Two. So there was a balloon program that Japan did have that was intended to covert. And there were balloons that fell down in the United States. Hot air balloons. But it was a balloon that they sent in, like end of the war. And it was up there for like years, a couple of years.

Dwayne: [00:15:12] Didn't like-they lost it or something.

Koji: [00:15:14] Because by then there was no Japanese children left. Or there's no, you know, there's no soldiers there with children. So they weren't deformed, they weren't special needs. They were just regular Japanese children. And then when they crashed, they were like, those are aliens. But they mistook the aliens like they thought.

Cat: [00:15:27] Aliens because they'd never seen a Japanese person.

Koji: [00:15:29] Well, also, they're technically aliens, right? They're not from the country.

Cat: [00:15:33] Oh, okay.

Koji: [00:15:33] And then the press just messed up with it and went with aliens from outer space. And they're just really alien, like, non American citizens.

Cat: [00:15:40] That actually sounds really plausible, honestly. So people are that racist too. And also back then, like you didn't have TV. How would people have seen--or very little TV. People on TV were mostly like white people, and they thought an accurate depiction of Asian people was like from Breakfast at Tiffany's when it was at Mickey Rooney or whatever pops up.

Koji: [00:16:02] I think that was a little bit later, but yeah.

Cat: [00:16:03] But yeah, weirdly deformed, pretend Asian guy. So offensive. My theory, I'll just go ahead. It's very similar to Koji. I think they were Asian, probably Japanese, but. But I don't think they were just like regular Japanese children. I think that they like full on, sought out the weirdest looking Japanese children. I mean, look, every race has ugly people. And so they found, like, really bizarre looking kids, and they just, like, took them away from the families, like, hey, you don't want this one anyway. And it was a time where people would be like, you're right, I don't. Back then was really messed up.

Koji: [00:16:39] And they just put them in-

Cat: [00:16:39] And they put them in the balloon. Yeah. To be like spies. And then they sent them to scare people and freak them out.

Koji: [00:16:46] Wow. Our theories are very close.

Cat: [00:16:48] Yeah. You said yours first.

Dwayne: [00:16:50] So. So you're saying. But you're saying it was Japanese?

Cat: [00:16:53] Regular Japanese.

Dwayne: [00:16:54] And you're saying. But who was the perpetrator in each? Yours. The Japanese was a Japanese balloon soldier. Was it? Was it the Japanese who perpetrated it? Or they just used Japanese children?

Cat: [00:17:03] Was it? I think it was a Soviet Union using Japanese children.

Dwayne: [00:17:06] Oh, okay. Okay, see, that's the difference.

Koji: [00:17:08] That's the difference?

Dwayne: [00:17:08] Yeah.

Koji: [00:17:09] Okay. What's your theory doing?

Dwayne: [00:17:11] I mean, this is a tough one. I mean.

Cat: [00:17:13] Oh, and I think the children were kidnapped, honestly.

Dwayne: [00:17:16] Okay.

Cat: [00:17:16] Not just like. Bought.

Dwayne: [00:17:18] But the crazy thing is, it's like just the human condition. That people can be. So, um, the things people can justify are outrageous. But I think what happened was, I think because there were, there was more than one of these occurrences. So I believe one was aliens. And I don't know if that's the first one or at some point.

Koji: [00:17:38] That aliens were real. It wasn't really an alien spaceship.

Dwayne: [00:17:40] Yes, at some point. But then because there were several, the others were US things that we did to cover up the alien thing. And I'd like to think they found people who were deformed as opposed to deforming them, you know? Okay.

Cat: [00:17:54] Honestly though, like not to. How do I put this without being offensive? We're talking about people who look different. I know I said ugly, but what I really mean is people who look different than normal, and that could be special needs children. And in no way am I calling them ugly, right? If we define that as really just not being standard, right? Right. So I think my theory is the theory, it is the conspiracy and I believe it.

Dwayne: [00:18:21] I think the US was planning to whatever we were trying. I think it was like twofold. We were...one, we wanted to do something that we could infiltrate. That's what they're saying now is that after all these years, they're saying the official story is it was stuff we were developing to spy on Russia, to test it, then to spy on their nuclear program. I think there was some of that. But I also think once see, chaos and confusion is how you neutralize anything. You make it stupid. Like, you know what I'm saying? You don't just deny it, you do it again and again, and the subsequent ones are clearly not the thing. So people will not believe the first thing as well.

Koji: [00:18:59] So you believe that it actually happened.

Cat: [00:19:01] So it's gaslighting.

Dwayne: [00:19:02] Right. So one of them was an alien thing and it could be the very first occurrence or it could be subsequent like at some point the US was like, we're doing this testing the alien thing. It was fortunate because probably we got new technology, but also, well, it's almost like with that, what that UFO guy said, we covered it up by doing more. That we're ridiculous.

Cat: [00:19:22] You know what that's like? If a guy and his girlfriend are together and then like, his phone dies for a couple hours and they're like, yeah, wow, your phone dies really easily. And then he's like, oh, I could cover up cheating by just being like, oh, my phone died.

Dwayne: [00:19:35] Well, also, he's gonna, like, have his phone die a lot.

Cat: [00:19:38] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:19:39] So now, like-

Cat: [00:19:39] He keeps on dying and so he just has an affair.

Dwayne: [00:19:41] Right? At night. He's gotta, like, fake, like he's playing a game in the next morning, it dies in front of you.

Koji: [00:19:46] This fucking phone.

Cat: [00:19:48] No reception.

Koji: [00:19:49] Well, have you guys ever seen the documentary called Independence Day.

Dwayne: [00:19:52] Yeah.

Koji: [00:19:53] That was like the first time they found aliens.

Dwayne: [00:19:55] You know, it's crazy. I read an article, and I don't I don't know if it was one of the ones in our research, but it's from, um, University of North Texas has a whole bunch of on on this. And one of the things that it linked to was a former Soviet like engineer or someone in, in, in the space program, and they were asking him about it. He called Men in Black a documentary. He was joking, but like joking but not joking. You know what I mean?

Cat: [00:20:19] Well, I heard the Men in Black were real. They were just different from what they were in the movie. The Men in Black were these FBI agents who, when people would see the UFOs, would go to your house and be like, you didn't see the UFOs.

Koji: [00:20:28] But there's also, um, like, that's part of the conspiracy. But there's also another conspiracy where the Men in Black are not human. Oh, there's like a conspiracy that Men are Black are like these, like very strange, pale looking people who, like, have, like, kind of special powers that they're like. So some people think that they're like government, FBI. And then there's other people that think that they're like.

Cat: [00:20:45] I think they're from the future.

Koji: [00:20:47] Otherwordly. 

Dwayne: [00:20:47] Right? It's another example. I think if people just to make sure people really get what I'm saying at least is like. Like if you go like, if you are driving with drugs over the border, which you should never do and like you're driving and you see, like there's extra security at the border, right? It could be the US border, US Canada or US Mexico. And you do a, you know, a U-turn that's coming right after you. Right.

Koji: [00:21:09] So we're braking when you see a cop. Yeah. Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:21:12] Well, a lot of the cartels do is they actually send either, like, they might send a little drugs here that they know will get caught. So all these other drugs can get through or they might you might even have a car with absolutely no drugs in it.

Koji: [00:21:26] That does something illegal.

Dwayne: [00:21:26] That does something illegal, something suspicious. Now all the resources go to that car because, yeah, if it's the border, like you can have one car, go ahead by ten miles, another car behind it to do something crazy. Hey, security is extra. Okay, I'll go up, do a U, and maybe you have, like, a joint in the car or something. So now they're out there dealing with you. Meanwhile, ten car, ten miles behind that, the guy with the drugs is like, you know, ten and ten and two or whatever. Now three and five because of airbags and just boom. You know what I mean? So I think that's what the US government did. They just sort of like mucked it up a bit.

Koji: [00:22:01] So it really happened. They're just mucking it up. But it was. Was it aliens or was it Soviet?

Cat: [00:22:05] So do we think that maybe like they were doing other experiments elsewhere and they had the Roswell incident to distract from the ones elsewhere? Is that what you're saying?

Dwayne: [00:22:13] Right. But I'm thinking at Roswell, some alien stuff happened as well, and they covered it up by doing more alien stuff. That was fake.

Cat: [00:22:21] Oh, okay. Which is a combination cover up.

Dwayne: [00:22:23] Like, the guy finds these things like aliens not going to come from out of space, and it's tinfoil. Like, whatever ship you make that's going to come here from another planet. It won't be tinfoil, right? It won't. It won't look like a book report. So maybe even before that, because the sightings started happening, scientists think the US was like, we need to just.

Cat: [00:22:40] Roll with it.

Dwayne: [00:22:41] Yeah. Make it so confusing. That. And did they deform people? I hope they didn't. But that's. Yeah I mean I've thought about it. I mean it could be a Soviet thing too. That kind of does make sense, but I think it's more fun if it's like we did it ourselves to hide the fact that there was aliens.

Koji: [00:22:59] Interesting.

Dwayne: [00:22:59] Yeah.

Koji: [00:23:00] One thing I will mention that I think is really interesting about aliens, and I do a lot of alien stuff, right? I go to UFO conventions, I do all this. But one of the things that's really fascinating to me is that the perception of the alien spacecraft changes over time, like, and it's how people--it's based on popular culture. So people will see like a round alien ship or like so like when you're talking about tinfoil, that's how they imagined it back then. So that's how they would see it.

Dwayne: [00:23:22] Right.

Koji: [00:23:22] So people started seeing round ships and then people started seeing like triangle shaped ships and now other things. So it's kind of interesting that how we perceive of these alien ships is so much based on what we think that they are like and how they're portrayed in our popular media. So I don't know if it's the popular media affecting how we see the ship or the other way, vice versa.

Dwayne: [00:23:43] Right, exactly.

Koji: [00:23:43] But it's and it's also the aliens themselves, right? It wasn't until Communion, which is a famous book by Wesley Schreiber about an alien abduction. He's one of the most famous alien abduction cases. He...on his book cover, there was a gray. And from that moment on, everyone saw gray alien. But before that, nobody really saw gray aliens, right? They saw different kinds of aliens. So it's kind of interesting. I don't know, I think I always found that to be really interesting.

Dwayne: [00:24:04] And I too. But look at the stealth bomber like things that can't be detected by radar are flatter

Cat: [00:24:10] And triangular.

Dwayne: [00:24:11] Yeah. So they could have been testing, but maybe they were testing because they got to replicate what they--they already got their hands on.

Cat: [00:24:19] Hmm.

Koji: [00:24:19] Alright

Cat: [00:24:20] Well, it's time for us to pick the unofficial official story, one that will answer this question once and for all. So which theory do we want to go with today?

Koji: [00:24:29] I mean, I think it has to be the Japanese theory. I mean, we're we both had Japanese people, right?

Dwayne: [00:24:33] I like the Japanese theory, but with Koji Slant that it was the Japanese, because-

Cat: [00:24:37] But why would it be the Japanese?

Dwayne: [00:24:39] Because if they sent it before the end of the war and it was just sort of a--I don't know how long a balloon can float around.

Koji: [00:24:46] Not two years, that's for sure.

Cat: [00:24:48] 1947.

Dwayne: [00:24:49] Yeah. So...

Koji: [00:24:50] Or one year.

Dwayne: [00:24:51] Or one year. Yeah. One year is possible, though.

Koji: [00:24:53] Maybe.

Dwayne: [00:24:53] I don't know.

Koji: [00:24:54] Probably not.

Cat: [00:24:54] No. At that point. Like, if they had launched it before the war ended, they would be dead. Like, everybody on this aircraft would not be alive anymore.

Koji: [00:25:01] They were all dead, though.

Dwayne: [00:25:02] Right. That's the thing. They were all dead.

Cat: [00:25:02] But from the crash or from before the crash?

Koji: [00:25:05] That's true.

Dwayne: [00:25:06] I guess it depends on how long you were saying it was some sort of hot air balloon?

Koji: [00:25:10] Yeah. Like a...like a spy balloon.

Cat: [00:25:12] It's like the way they...When you see the pictures of the aliens, they don't look, like super decayed or whatever. Like, if they were floating around dead for a long time, they would be, like, desiccated.

Koji: [00:25:22] But, you know, Asians look good for a while. So...

Cat: [00:25:25] I don't think that means when they die.

Dwayne: [00:25:30] That's an interesting wrinkle. So unless we're saying, are we saying Japan wouldn't have done it because they had already surrendered?

Cat: [00:25:36] Yeah, the war was done. Why would they keep going? That's why I think it was Stalin. Like it had to be someone who was still actively doing war stuff.

Dwayne: [00:25:42] That's a good point. And Russia is big enough part of it. Part of it is in Aisa-

Cat: [00:25:45] And they could easily have gone to Japan or even China. Probably China, probably China.

Koji: [00:25:51] Are you saying the Chinese and Japanese look alike?

Koji: [00:25:53] No, I'm saying that you can find people who look very different, right, from standard white people in Asia. And then if you even find people who are exceptional to even Asia, then...

Koji: [00:26:06] And Asians are short.

Dwayne: [00:26:08] This is tough. And we don't have a guest to break the tie break-breaker.

Cat: [00:26:12] Well, there's three of us, so actually...

Dwayne: [00:26:13] So I'm gonna go with...

Koji: [00:26:15] I'm going with Kat's as well.

Dwayne: [00:26:16] I'm going with Kat's. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna go with yours, but then I think the whole end of the war thing.

Koji: [00:26:20] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:26:21] Yeah. Yeah.

Cat: [00:26:21] Mhm. Mhm. But yours is a good one too. This is a happy family I, I commend both of you.

Dwayne: [00:26:26] Yeah.

Koji: [00:26:27] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:26:27] Well that's the thing. It's these kind of things you just don't know...I don't know, it's just weird like when you think of like the Cold War and like just the extent that the lengths that both countries would go to.

Koji: [00:26:39] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:26:39] When like, one is kind of pushing freedom, one is pushing equality. But they're kind of like both just doing...

Koji: [00:26:45] Freedom in quotes. Because remember, Black people couldn't even use the same freedom.

Dwayne: [00:26:50] But like we're calling capitalism freedom.

Koji: [00:26:53] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:26:54] Democracy. And I never understood why you can have a communist society and still vote. You can vote on who controls the resources.

Koji: [00:27:01] Well, communism is a form of economy, not a form of government.

Dwayne: [00:27:04] Right? But we treat that as a form of government. And we treat our--we--they like sort of conflate the two things. You know what I mean? And I guess it's on purpose because they're so similar. Yeah.

Koji: [00:27:14] Well, most, most communist countries are totalitarian or dictator.

Dwayne: [00:27:18] And I'm saying it doesn't have to be, right? You can still have a vote and just the resources are controlled by the government, and you vote on who's sort of running the show. That makes more sense, I guess that's more..

Koji: [00:27:28] Like.

Dwayne: [00:27:28] Socialism.

Koji: [00:27:29] Yeah, more like Europe and stuff. To put this in perspective of historical. I mean, this is an interesting time because in 1947, late 40s, the United States was the only country that had nuclear weapons, so we were the only country. I mean, for truly one time in the world, there was one country that was by far the most powerful country that could destroy anything that they wanted. So, I mean, so the Soviet Union would be very, would be very sensitive at that point to try to bring down the United States, because we're the only superpower at that time. So I think they I think they get the bomb in 49. So it's a couple years before that. To America's credit, we didn't try to take over the whole world in the way that other countries before that would have. Because we were literally the only country that had a nuclear weapon. I mean, we could have gone, hey, we're taking over England.

Dwayne: [00:28:11] We could have.

Cat: [00:28:12] Well, look, didn't explicitly take over the world, but if you look at what they did in Latin America, we were doing stuff.

Koji: [00:28:17] No, correct. But I'm saying they could have walked in. They could have walked into every country and taken over. But they they did the influence thing, obviously.

Cat: [00:28:23] Yeah

Koji: [00:28:24] But they didn't do the literal taking over the world, which they cut off.

Dwayne: [00:28:26] And we had bases all over Germany and Japan.

Koji: [00:28:30] Correct, yeah.

Cat: [00:28:30] We were like the nicest, taking over the world, people, because we didn't disrupt their cultures. We were like, no, you could still be Brazilian. We just have a base here.

Koji: [00:28:37] Because we wanted to take over the economy of everywhere.

Dwayne: [00:28:41] And put them in debt, like that book that you had, you didn't have me read, but you told me about the economic hit man. Oh, yeah.

Koji: [00:28:47] That's a really good book.

Dwayne: [00:28:48] Yeah, yeah.

Cat: [00:28:49] And that you guys, my theory is the official story. We'll take another break and we'll pretend we've all been abducted.

Koji: [00:28:59] Since we discussed the Roswell incident. Let's ask this. For what reason? Would an alien most likely abduct you.

Cat: [00:29:06] My jokes.

Koji: [00:29:07] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:29:08] That's good. That's really good. You're gonna be ready for mine. I think you're gonna be surprised.

Koji: [00:29:13] Okay.

Dwayne: [00:29:13] I think an alien would abduct me because I might be an alien. And I know I'm the least likely-

Cat: [00:29:19] I see it. Okay.

Dwayne: [00:29:21] Right, right. It's like that Terminator movie. There's one Terminator that I have not seen from beginning to end. I think it's the fourth one, maybe?

Cat: [00:29:28] I...This is the first I've learned there was a fourth Terminator. I thought there was Terminator One and Terminator Two.

Koji: [00:29:32] There's been a lot.

Dwayne: [00:29:33] Oh, no, there's like five. Yeah, there's a few. Right?

Cat: [00:29:37] Oh, wow. 

Dwayne: [00:29:37] Because there's one where and I need to double back and look at it. I've only seen the ending, which is kind of. But basically there's a guy who's fighting for the humans, fighting for the resistance. I guess you'd call it that? And then at the end, he finds out he himself is a robot. And he's, like, really bummed out because he thought he was human the whole time. And sometimes I do feel like I could be either a robot or an alien, only because I think what we, we kind of redefine what it means to be human. And it's sort of like, I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything like that, but, you know, I strive for a certain thing. And so many people nowadays, I'm like, if they're human, then maybe I'm something else, because I think people are so, like easy to give in to, like whatever their desires are. And everyone's like feeding into that trauma and like, what's your trauma? And relishing in it to the point of like, like...is the human condition that fragile? And if it is, maybe I haven't been human this whole time. You know.

Koji: [00:30:29] So they're bringing you back? They're bringing you back, then.

Dwayne: [00:30:31] Then they're bringing me back. And it was like it was all an experiment. That's why there were so many suckers. Because you wasn't really one of them. You know what I mean? Yeah, and I have a few friends like that. Even even you, Koji and, um. Kat, I don't know as well, but, I mean, people just sort of, like, so solid in this world of, like, we're just moving toward not being solid, you know what I mean?

Cat: [00:30:51] Mhm.

Dwayne: [00:30:51] And so, like. 

Koji: [00:30:52] I think it was worse before.

Dwayne: [00:30:52] And like you have religion, if you have religion and you stick to it, that's almost robotic now because everyone is just looking for a reason to just switch up their whole code of everything and whatever they said they were about. And then one bout of anything and it's like, oh well. So I, I don't know, it just seems like, what does it mean to be human? Because I thought human humanity, like we're above the other animals, but now it seems like more and more we're not really.

Koji: [00:31:17] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:31:18] So anyway, that's why maybe I'm an alien.

Koji: [00:31:20] Yeah.

Cat: [00:31:20] My, my. Like, the other answer was a joke answer and not thinking about yours, I think...I think there's a lot of people who are being actively taken and turned into aliens, because there's a lot of people right now who are sociopaths. And it used to be that it was like only like 2% of the world is sociopath. And now we've got people all over the country, if not world, who don't care that people are being basically kidnapped by unmarked cars from people without badges who are wearing masks and they're just being taken off the streets. Sometimes U.S. citizens and taken to God knows where and their families can't find them. And there's people in this country who hear about something like that or who hear about Alligator Alcatraz, and they laugh and they buy merch. Oh, or when we caught fire Los Angeles in January and people were cheering it on. I think all these people have been abducted by aliens. I think they've been reprogrammed to be sociopaths who have no empathy for other people.

Dwayne: [00:32:17] That's interesting. So maybe they've become aliens and I'm actually human.

Koji: [00:32:21] You're still human.

Cat: [00:32:21] You're still human. And I think I'm also still human. I think everybody who has empathy for others still is still human, because we feel feelings, like we look at another human and you feel a mirror reaction, right?

Koji: [00:32:31] For me, they want my sperm.

Dwayne: [00:32:34] They want your sperm?

Koji: [00:32:34] They don't want sperm.

Dwayne: [00:32:35] So I really did not see that coming.

Koji: [00:32:37] I have...I have I have a really good sperm. I, uh, during college years, I donated a ton. This is why I never do 24 and me or 22 and me or whatever that is, because I feel like there's going to be a lot of children of mine. Because how many Asian people's sperm is there--Asian American sperm is there? So I was that. And then they did a whole chromosome check when they--when you give sperm, they do a whole chromosome thing. And I had really great chromosomes. So that's why my children never had any problems. Not me, it's the wife. And so I know the aliens probably have that information.

Dwayne: [00:33:08] Interesting.

Cat: [00:33:09] And they're probably the ones who bought 23 and me.

Koji: [00:33:12] And so they probably want all they want more Asian children, which is.

Dwayne: [00:33:15] Don't you think they have cloning technology or something?

Koji: [00:33:18] No, but they want. But Asians are aliens, so.

Dwayne: [00:33:21] So...

Koji: [00:33:22] So they need they need my sperm.

Dwayne: [00:33:23] Maybe they need you to sort of repopulate the whole planet, that kind of thing.

Koji: [00:33:27] So this is what if...I was dating, i would tell everybody, let's just make more aliens.

Dwayne: [00:33:31] Nice, nice.

Koji: [00:33:32] Yeah, so that's what it is. They want my sperm.

Dwayne: [00:33:34] They want your sperm? That's crazy.

Cat: [00:33:36] To make human alien hybrids.

Koji: [00:33:38] Yeah, that's what every hapa or half-Asian is.

Dwayne: [00:33:43] If you happen to be taking a Norwegian cruise on the Norwegian Bliss starting in Seattle going to Alaska, i'm gonna see you. But otherwise, uh, in September, I have shows coming up in, um, Addison, which is near Dallas, Texas TK. So take a look for that.

Cat: [00:33:58] If you are in Sydney, Australia, and you're listening to this, I will be there in September for Sydney Fringe, I believe on the fifth, sixth and seventh.

Dwayne: [00:34:08] Congrats. That's amazing.

Cat: [00:34:09] Thank you. I'm really excited. I got a lot of tickets to sell, so please buy the tickets. Yeah. Just go on to the Sydney Fringe website after July 7th. So you're going to hear this after that, they're available to buy. Just look my name up, Kat Alvarado. The show will come up. It's called Trad-Wife.

Koji: [00:34:23] Trad-Wife.

Cat: [00:34:24] Trad-Wife. Yeah. So. Yeah. Sydney, come see me.

Dwayne: [00:34:27] That's amazing. Have you been before?

Cat: [00:34:29] I've never been.

Dwayne: [00:34:29] Oh, yeah. Sydney is great, I love-

Cat: [00:34:31] It's the week of my mom's birthday, though, and so she's gonna be so mad, right?

Dwayne: [00:34:36] Right. You can celebrate it before or after. Maybe.

Cat: [00:34:39] Yeah, maybe we'll plan a surprise party for her and be like, oh, my God, look at that. We already did it.

Dwayne: [00:34:45] Right, right, right.

Cat: [00:34:47] So my socials at Kat Alvarado comedy on Instagram and TikTok. That's K-A-T A-L-V-A-R-A-D-O comedy. And you can find my album slash our special on YouTube and Spotify. It's called Off-White. And just like my other show, Trad-Wife, it has a dash in it. I don't know why I like hyphenated name things.

Dwayne: [00:35:11] Very nice, very nice. Yeah, I like that your name is also a really popular street. Street in Los Angeles.

Koji: [00:35:19] Wait, what?

Dwayne: [00:35:19] Alvarado.

Koji: [00:35:20] Alvarado. Got it.

Dwayne: [00:35:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Koji: [00:35:21] I was gonna say Kat Alvarado, what street?

Dwayne: [00:35:26] And I'm Dwayne Perkins on, um, on Instagram and Facebook and finally DP on X even I don't really use X too much, but, um, yeah, those are my socials and my specials are all streaming. If you type in my name. But spell it correctly because there's another guy who's, uh, not me.

Koji: [00:35:39] And then I'm , uh, ksakai1, and I've been losing a ton of followers because of the whole I've been posting about my family and incarceration and what's going on now, and I'm like, I don't care. I don't need those people anyway.

Dwayne: [00:35:48] You're losing people just because you're posting the truth. That's crazy.

Koji: [00:35:51] Yeah, because I had people tell me that what happened to my family, that didn't happen in World War Two. And I'm like,

Cat: [00:35:55] What?

Koji: [00:35:56] And then. And then I've had people telling me--. 

Dwayne: [00:35:57] Wait, they don't think the camps happened.

Koji: [00:35:59] Yeah. People don't think that.

Dwayne: [00:35:59] We truly appreciate your support and enthusiasm for our quirky, mysterious, and fun-filled journey. Your curiosity and engagement make the podcast a joy to create. Stay tuned for more intriguing stories and remember to share, subscribe and leave a review. Until next time, keep wondering and stay unofficially official.

Koji: [00:36:18] In the next episode, we'll be asking the question: is Wayfair secretly sex trafficking kids?

Cat: [00:36:22] Oh God, oh God.

Dwayne: [00:36:24] Yeah. I mean, is that furniture?

Cat: [00:36:25] Yeah, they said like, they're like, either in the furniture or like, there's certain furniture.

Dwayne: [00:36:29] In the furniture?

Koji: [00:36:30] Because they have names like. Yeah, like Jennifer.

Cat: [00:36:32] Amber.

Koji: [00:36:33] Amber.

Cat: [00:36:33] Yeah.

Dwayne: [00:36:34] Wait.

Cat: [00:36:34] But then like, what's Ikea?

Dwayne: [00:36:35] No.

Koji: [00:36:36] I think they're made from.

Dwayne: [00:36:38] This is really bananas.

Koji: [00:36:40] Thank you guys.

Cat: [00:36:40] Thank you. Bye bye bye.